Over the years as I’ve sought out ideas, principles and strategies to life’s challenges, I’ve come across four simple words that can make living worthwhile.
First, life is worthwhile if you LEARN. What you don't know WILL hurt you. You have to have learning to exist, let alone succeed. Life is worthwhile if you learn from your own experiences—negative or positive. We learn to do it right by first sometimes doing it wrong. We call that a positive negative. We also learn from other people's experiences, both positive and negative. I've always said that it is too bad failures don't give seminars. Obviously, we don't want to pay them so they aren’t usually touring around giving seminars. But that information would be very valuable—we would learn how someone who had it all then messed it up. Learning from other people's experiences and mistakes is valuable information because we can learn what not to do without the pain of having tried and failed ourselves.
We learn by what we see, so pay attention. We learn by what we hear, so be a good listener. Now I do suggest that you should be a selective listener; don't just let anybody dump into your mental factory. We learn from what we read, so learn from every source; learn from lectures; learn from songs; learn from sermons; learn from conversations with people who care. Always keep learning.
Second, life is worthwhile if you TRY. You can't just learn; now you have to try something to see if you can do it. Try to make a difference, try to make some progress, try to learn a new skill, try to learn a new sport. It doesn't mean you can do everything, but there are a lot of things you can do, if you just try. Try your best. Give it every effort. Why not go all out?
Third, life is worthwhile if you STAY. You have to stay from spring until harvest. If you have signed up for the day or for the game or for the project, see it through. Sometimes calamity comes and then it is worth wrapping it up. And that's the end, but just don't end in the middle. Maybe on the next project you pass, but on this one, if you signed up, see it through.
And lastly, life is worthwhile if you CARE. If you care at all you will get some results, if you care enough you can get incredible results. Care enough to make a difference. Care enough to turn somebody around. Care enough to start a new enterprise. Care enough to change it all. Care enough to be the highest producer. Care enough to set some records. Care enough to win.
Four powerful little words: learn, try, stay and care. What difference can you make in your life today by putting these words to work?
—Jim Rohn
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Success Is Everything by Jim Rohn
Someone once said to me that success isn't everything and I think I know what they really meant. I believe they really meant that money isn't everything, and I certainly agree with that. But I do believe that success IS everything.
First, you need to succeed to survive. We must take the seasons and learn how to use them with the seed, the soil and the rain of opportunity to learn how to sustain ourselves and our family. But then second is to then succeed to flourish in every part of your life. Good question to ask mature people: "If you could do better, should you?" And I think almost everybody would answer the question in the affirmative. If you could improve your health, shouldn't you do that? If you can learn more, shouldn't you do that? If you could earn more and share more, shouldn't you do that? If you can improve your relationships and spirituality, shouldn't you do that? And I think that is what success is really all about. It is not just a destination that is set for everybody to try and go for. It is like Zig Ziglar said, "improving in every area of your life to see if you can't say with satisfaction at the end of the day, week, month and year, 'I have made excellent progress this year, for myself, for my family, for my business, my career and my health.'" I think that kind of success everybody recognizes is legitimate and something we should all strive for.
Interesting phrase in the Bible that says strive for perfection—not that we can ever reach it. But it is in the striving, to be a little bit better today than yesterday, in our speech, our language, our health, everything we can possibility think of.
So yes, in my opinion, Success Is Everything!
—Jim Rohn
First, you need to succeed to survive. We must take the seasons and learn how to use them with the seed, the soil and the rain of opportunity to learn how to sustain ourselves and our family. But then second is to then succeed to flourish in every part of your life. Good question to ask mature people: "If you could do better, should you?" And I think almost everybody would answer the question in the affirmative. If you could improve your health, shouldn't you do that? If you can learn more, shouldn't you do that? If you could earn more and share more, shouldn't you do that? If you can improve your relationships and spirituality, shouldn't you do that? And I think that is what success is really all about. It is not just a destination that is set for everybody to try and go for. It is like Zig Ziglar said, "improving in every area of your life to see if you can't say with satisfaction at the end of the day, week, month and year, 'I have made excellent progress this year, for myself, for my family, for my business, my career and my health.'" I think that kind of success everybody recognizes is legitimate and something we should all strive for.
Interesting phrase in the Bible that says strive for perfection—not that we can ever reach it. But it is in the striving, to be a little bit better today than yesterday, in our speech, our language, our health, everything we can possibility think of.
So yes, in my opinion, Success Is Everything!
—Jim Rohn
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Artikel’: Tugas Kecil Hanya Membuat Anda Kerdil
Hore, Hari Baru! Teman-teman.
Jika boleh memilih antara gaji besar dan gaji kecil, apa pilihan Anda? Pertanyaan yang kurang cerdas. Jika dihadapkan pada 2 pilihan antara mengerjakan sesuatu yang sudah biasa Anda lakukan dengan baik atau sesuatu yang Anda belum terampil melakukannnya; Anda pilih yang mana? Tidak usah khawatir, ini bukan soal pilihan antara benar dan salah kok. Kebanyakan orang mendahulukan kenyamanan. Maka wajar jika mereka memilih mengerjakan tugas-tugas yang mudah. Selain memberi rasa nyaman, pekerjaan gampang tidak memerlukan kerja keras dan bisa menghemat banyak keringat. Tak heran jika banyak orang yang merasa berat hati ketika mendapatkan penugasan yang sulit. Bahkan tidak sedikit yang rela karirnya tidak berubah karena merasa sudah sangat nyaman dengan pekerjaan yang dilakukannya selama bertahun-tahun. Boleh saja jika memang itu sudah menjadi pilihan hidup kita. Tapi, jika kita masih mengeluhkan hasilnya, itu pertanda ada yang salah dengan pilihan kita.
Dua minggu lalu sahabat saya menunjukkan pohon beringin bonsai yang dimilikinya. Lalu saya teringat kepada pohon beringin besar yang tumbuh dihalaman belakang rumah kakek saya di kampung ketika saya masih kecil dulu. Membayangkan kedua beringin itu, tiba-tiba saya merasa miris sendiri. Jangan-jangan saya ini sebenarnya memiliki potensi yang sangat besar. Namun, saya membiarkan diri sendiri kerdil seperti beringin bonsai itu. Seolah tersadar dari keterlenaan yang telah bertahun-tahun ini saya alami, saya melihat betapa banyak potensi diri yang saya sia-siakan selama ini. Bagi Anda yang tertarik menemani saya belajar memaksimalkan potensi diri, saya ajak memulainya dengan mempraktekkan 5 prinsip Natural Intelligence (NatIn) berikut ini:
1. Behentilah bermain di arena kecil. Jika Anda sudah tidak lagi mengalami kesulitan dalam menyelesaikan pekerjaan yang Anda tangani, boleh jadi sebenarnya Anda sudah tidak cocok lagi dengan pekerjaan itu. Huhu, bukankah justru sebaliknya? Bukan. Salah satu alasan mengapa pohon beringin di rumah teman saya itu menjadi bonsai adalah karena dia secara sengaja ditempatkan pada pot beton yang sangat kecil. Beda dengan beringin raksasa di kebun kakek saya. Tanahnya luas, nutrisinya banyak, ruang geraknya leluasa. Maka jadilah beringin teman saya kerdil. Dan jadilah pohon beringin kakek saya menjulang tinggi dengan akar gantungnya yang besar dan kekar. Begitu pula dengan pekerjaan. Jika Anda masih terus bertahan dalam pekerjaan yang sudah menjadi tugas cetek dan celepete itu, bisa jadi Anda membiarkan diri sendiri menjadi bonsai. Kita sering mengkalim diri sebagai orang yang berjiwa besar dan berkehormatan besar. Namun, kita membiarkan diri sendiri ngendon di ruang kecil yang hanya cocok untuk mereka yang memiliki kapasitas kerja yang juga kecil. Terlalu mudahnya pekerjaan yang Anda tangani itu adalah indikasi jika kapasitas diri Anda sudah lebih besar. Maka datanglah kepada atasan Anda untuk penugasan yang lebih menantang. Karena seperti pot mungil; tantangan kecil hanya cocok untuk orang kecil, atau orang besar yang ingin menjadi kerdil.
2. Tumbuhkanlah keinginan untuk menjadi orang besar. Kalau merasa takut keluar dari arena kecil untuk memasuki arena bermain yang lebih besar itu wajar. Namun kita memiliki pilihan apakah akan menjadikan rasa takut itu sebagai alasan untuk tetap diam ditempat, ataukah sebagai daya dorong untuk mengembangkan diri agar bisa menjadi pribadi yang lebih besar. Pilihan itu menghasilkan sebuah perbedaan bermakna. Orang-orang yang terkurung dalam ketakutan tidak akan pernah keluar dari penjara aman yang dibuatnya sendiri. Sedangkan orang-orang yang terdorong oleh rasa takut proporsional justu semakin bersemangat untuk terus mengembangkan diri. Saya melihat akar bonsai itu memberontak keluar dari pot kecilnya. Bahkan ada bagian pot yang retak. Terlihat sekali jika sebenarnya bonsai itu ingin tumbuh membesar seperti yang seharusnya. Bagaimana dengan kita? Apakah kita menggeliat mencari tantangan lebih besar ataukah justru diam saja ditempat berhambatan kecil? Kita kalah oleh tanaman jika demikian. Tantangan besar sering tidak datang dengan sendirinya. Maka seperti akar bonsai itu, kita sendirilah yang harus mencarinya keluar dari tempat persembunyian. Banyak atasan yang enggan memberi penugasan besar kepada orang-orang tertentu. Mengapa? Karena kebanyakan orang memiliki seribu satu alasan untuk menolaknya. Kita? Karus seperti akar itu. Mendatanginya. Dan mempersiapkan keterbukaan diri untuk menerima tantangan besar.
3. Pancinglah kesempatan besar dengan umpan yang besar. Bayangkan jika Anda berharap bisa menangkap hiu, namun Anda menggunakan sampan kecil. Dengan kondisi seperti itu, didatangi oleh hiu justru sangat berbahaya. Banyak kejadian yang patut kita ambil hikmahnya. Misalnya orang-orang yang mendapatkan jabatan atau tanggungjawab yang ‘terlalu besar’ dibandingkan dengan kapasitas dirinya yang kecil. Mereka berambisi untuk mendapatkan ikan besar, tapi lupa untuk memperbesar alat pancingnya. Mereka berambisi mendapatkan jabatan tinggi, tapi lalai mengimbanginya dengan kapasitas dan kemampuan diri yang juga tinggi. Akhirnya? Kinerjanya buruk. Frustrasi. Dilecehkan kolega dan bawahan. Lalu, melarikan diri ke tempat lain karena sudah tidak sanggup lagi mengatasi tantangan yang dihadapinya. Ditempat baru, kejadiannya tidak jauh berbeda. Pasti akan terulang lagi. Kecuali jika mereka kembali memasuki kolam kecil yang sesuai dengan kapasitas dirinya. Sebaliknya jika penugasan besar itu diberikan kepada orang-orang yang memiliki kapasitas diri yang besar. Dia tentu bisa mengembannya dengan sebaik-baiknya. Jadi, jika ingin mendapatkan tanggungjawab yang besar, kita mesti belajar untuk terlebih dahulu membuat kapasitas diri kita tambah besar. Karena, hanya orang besar yang layak mendapatkan kesempatan besar.
4. Besarkanlah kapasitas diri dengan kemauan sendiri. Saya berani mengatakan bahwa Anda tidak bisa mengandalkan proses pengembangan kapasitas diri Anda kepada atasan Anda. Mengapa? Karena proses pengembangan diri itu harus dimulai dari kesadaran yang datang dari diri Anda sendiri. Atasan Anda hanya bisa memfasilitasi prosesnya, atau merekomendasikan program pelatihannya, atau sekedar menyediakan budgetnya. Apakah Anda berhasil mengembangkan kapasitas diri itu atau tidak, atasan Anda tidak memiliki kuasa untuk itu. Faktanya? Banyak orang yang ikut suatu pelatihan namun tidak menerapkan ilmu yang diperolehnya di tempat kerja. Banyak juga bawahan yang mengelak untuk mendapatkan penugasan menantang yang sebenarnya merupakan kesempatan bagi mereka untuk berkembang lebih cepat. Bukankah kita sering mengomel kalau diberi tugas yang sulit? Padahal kita tahu bahwa pengalaman adalah bekal yang paling relevan, berdampak, dan berdaya guna. Dan itu tidak bisa kita raih selain dengan menjalaninya sendiri. Kebanyakan orang langsung nyantai begitu pekerjaannya selesai. Banyak juga yang sengaja melambat-lambatkan pekerjaanya dengan maksud menghindari penugasan lainnya. Tapi seorang staff memiliki kemauan yang sedemikian kuat untuk berkembang lebih pesat. Dia beristirahat hanya pada waktunya istirahat. Lalu berpindah dari tugas yang satu kepada tugas yang lain. Setahu saya, karir orang ini melejit sangat cepat. Bahkan melampaui posisi mantan atasannya. Mengapa hanya dia yang begitu? Apakah atasannya pilih kasih? Tidak. Itu karena memang dia memiliki kemauan untuk memperbesar kapasitas dirinya sendiri.
5. Raihlah kesempurnaan dengan proses pencarian tanpa henti. Orang-orang yang merasa dirinya sudah sempurna pasti jauh dari kesempurnaan. Mengapa? Karena tidak ada satu hal pun dimuka bumi ini yang benar-benar statis. Semua bergerak secara dinamis. Bahkan benda-benda yang terlihat diam pun sebenarnya bergerak. Apakah secara absolut pada tingkatan atomiknya, maupun secara relatif dalam tingkatan kosmiknya. Segala sesuatu yang hari ini kita kira sebagai puncak pecapaian, akan segera kadaluarsa lalu digantikan oleh pencapaian lain yang jauh lebih bernilai. Kesempurnaan pencapaian diri kita itu laksana undakan anak tangga. Setiap kali kita menanjak naik, posisi kita memang menjadi lebih tinggi. Namun kita tidak benar-benar sampai ke puncak tertinggi. Jika kita berhenti pada anak tangga itu, maka kita hanya akan bisa mencapai setinggi itu. Lihatlah satu anak tangga lagi, maka kita akan tahu bahwa meski sudah tinggi tapi kita belum cukup tinggi. Naiklah lagi, dan posisi kita lebih tinggi lagi. Naiklah lagi, dan naiklah lagi. Itulah satu-satunya cara untuk menapaki ketinggian nilai-nilai kemanusiaan diri kita sendiri. Yaitu dengan pencarian yang tanpa henti. Sebagai imbalannya, setiap penemuan yang kita dapatkan itu semakin mendekatkan diri kita pada kesempurnaan diri. Karenanya, kesempurnaan hanyalah milik para pencari tanpa henti.
Banyak karyawan yang sangat senang dengan penugasan ringan. Mereka merasa nyaman dengan segala kemudahan dalam menyelesaikan tugas-tugasnya. Padahal, justru kondisi itu sangat membahayakan karir mereka sendiri. Tugas-tugas ringan yang kita dapatkan dari pekerjaan tidak ubahnya seperti pot-pot kecil yang akan menghalangi pertumbuhan akar, dahan dan ranting-ranting kapasitas diri yang besar. Jika pohon beringin yang bisa tumbuh puluhan meter pun bisa dikerdilkan untuk menjadi hanya 15 senti, maka kapasitas diri kita yang sangat besar itu pun pasti bisa dikerdilkan hanya dengan cara memberinya tugas-tugas yang kecil. Maka mulai sekarang, berhentilah merasa nyaman dengan tugas-tugas kecil. Dan mulailah untuk memberikan pohon kapasitas diri Anda tanah yang luas dan besar agar bisa tumbuh hingga sebesar-besarnya.
Mari Berbagi Semangat!
Dadang Kadarusman - Deka – 4 Oktober 2011
Trainer “Natural Intelligence Leadership Training”
Penulis buku ”Natural Intelligence Leadership” (jadwal terbit Oktober 2011)
Jika boleh memilih antara gaji besar dan gaji kecil, apa pilihan Anda? Pertanyaan yang kurang cerdas. Jika dihadapkan pada 2 pilihan antara mengerjakan sesuatu yang sudah biasa Anda lakukan dengan baik atau sesuatu yang Anda belum terampil melakukannnya; Anda pilih yang mana? Tidak usah khawatir, ini bukan soal pilihan antara benar dan salah kok. Kebanyakan orang mendahulukan kenyamanan. Maka wajar jika mereka memilih mengerjakan tugas-tugas yang mudah. Selain memberi rasa nyaman, pekerjaan gampang tidak memerlukan kerja keras dan bisa menghemat banyak keringat. Tak heran jika banyak orang yang merasa berat hati ketika mendapatkan penugasan yang sulit. Bahkan tidak sedikit yang rela karirnya tidak berubah karena merasa sudah sangat nyaman dengan pekerjaan yang dilakukannya selama bertahun-tahun. Boleh saja jika memang itu sudah menjadi pilihan hidup kita. Tapi, jika kita masih mengeluhkan hasilnya, itu pertanda ada yang salah dengan pilihan kita.
Dua minggu lalu sahabat saya menunjukkan pohon beringin bonsai yang dimilikinya. Lalu saya teringat kepada pohon beringin besar yang tumbuh dihalaman belakang rumah kakek saya di kampung ketika saya masih kecil dulu. Membayangkan kedua beringin itu, tiba-tiba saya merasa miris sendiri. Jangan-jangan saya ini sebenarnya memiliki potensi yang sangat besar. Namun, saya membiarkan diri sendiri kerdil seperti beringin bonsai itu. Seolah tersadar dari keterlenaan yang telah bertahun-tahun ini saya alami, saya melihat betapa banyak potensi diri yang saya sia-siakan selama ini. Bagi Anda yang tertarik menemani saya belajar memaksimalkan potensi diri, saya ajak memulainya dengan mempraktekkan 5 prinsip Natural Intelligence (NatIn) berikut ini:
1. Behentilah bermain di arena kecil. Jika Anda sudah tidak lagi mengalami kesulitan dalam menyelesaikan pekerjaan yang Anda tangani, boleh jadi sebenarnya Anda sudah tidak cocok lagi dengan pekerjaan itu. Huhu, bukankah justru sebaliknya? Bukan. Salah satu alasan mengapa pohon beringin di rumah teman saya itu menjadi bonsai adalah karena dia secara sengaja ditempatkan pada pot beton yang sangat kecil. Beda dengan beringin raksasa di kebun kakek saya. Tanahnya luas, nutrisinya banyak, ruang geraknya leluasa. Maka jadilah beringin teman saya kerdil. Dan jadilah pohon beringin kakek saya menjulang tinggi dengan akar gantungnya yang besar dan kekar. Begitu pula dengan pekerjaan. Jika Anda masih terus bertahan dalam pekerjaan yang sudah menjadi tugas cetek dan celepete itu, bisa jadi Anda membiarkan diri sendiri menjadi bonsai. Kita sering mengkalim diri sebagai orang yang berjiwa besar dan berkehormatan besar. Namun, kita membiarkan diri sendiri ngendon di ruang kecil yang hanya cocok untuk mereka yang memiliki kapasitas kerja yang juga kecil. Terlalu mudahnya pekerjaan yang Anda tangani itu adalah indikasi jika kapasitas diri Anda sudah lebih besar. Maka datanglah kepada atasan Anda untuk penugasan yang lebih menantang. Karena seperti pot mungil; tantangan kecil hanya cocok untuk orang kecil, atau orang besar yang ingin menjadi kerdil.
2. Tumbuhkanlah keinginan untuk menjadi orang besar. Kalau merasa takut keluar dari arena kecil untuk memasuki arena bermain yang lebih besar itu wajar. Namun kita memiliki pilihan apakah akan menjadikan rasa takut itu sebagai alasan untuk tetap diam ditempat, ataukah sebagai daya dorong untuk mengembangkan diri agar bisa menjadi pribadi yang lebih besar. Pilihan itu menghasilkan sebuah perbedaan bermakna. Orang-orang yang terkurung dalam ketakutan tidak akan pernah keluar dari penjara aman yang dibuatnya sendiri. Sedangkan orang-orang yang terdorong oleh rasa takut proporsional justu semakin bersemangat untuk terus mengembangkan diri. Saya melihat akar bonsai itu memberontak keluar dari pot kecilnya. Bahkan ada bagian pot yang retak. Terlihat sekali jika sebenarnya bonsai itu ingin tumbuh membesar seperti yang seharusnya. Bagaimana dengan kita? Apakah kita menggeliat mencari tantangan lebih besar ataukah justru diam saja ditempat berhambatan kecil? Kita kalah oleh tanaman jika demikian. Tantangan besar sering tidak datang dengan sendirinya. Maka seperti akar bonsai itu, kita sendirilah yang harus mencarinya keluar dari tempat persembunyian. Banyak atasan yang enggan memberi penugasan besar kepada orang-orang tertentu. Mengapa? Karena kebanyakan orang memiliki seribu satu alasan untuk menolaknya. Kita? Karus seperti akar itu. Mendatanginya. Dan mempersiapkan keterbukaan diri untuk menerima tantangan besar.
3. Pancinglah kesempatan besar dengan umpan yang besar. Bayangkan jika Anda berharap bisa menangkap hiu, namun Anda menggunakan sampan kecil. Dengan kondisi seperti itu, didatangi oleh hiu justru sangat berbahaya. Banyak kejadian yang patut kita ambil hikmahnya. Misalnya orang-orang yang mendapatkan jabatan atau tanggungjawab yang ‘terlalu besar’ dibandingkan dengan kapasitas dirinya yang kecil. Mereka berambisi untuk mendapatkan ikan besar, tapi lupa untuk memperbesar alat pancingnya. Mereka berambisi mendapatkan jabatan tinggi, tapi lalai mengimbanginya dengan kapasitas dan kemampuan diri yang juga tinggi. Akhirnya? Kinerjanya buruk. Frustrasi. Dilecehkan kolega dan bawahan. Lalu, melarikan diri ke tempat lain karena sudah tidak sanggup lagi mengatasi tantangan yang dihadapinya. Ditempat baru, kejadiannya tidak jauh berbeda. Pasti akan terulang lagi. Kecuali jika mereka kembali memasuki kolam kecil yang sesuai dengan kapasitas dirinya. Sebaliknya jika penugasan besar itu diberikan kepada orang-orang yang memiliki kapasitas diri yang besar. Dia tentu bisa mengembannya dengan sebaik-baiknya. Jadi, jika ingin mendapatkan tanggungjawab yang besar, kita mesti belajar untuk terlebih dahulu membuat kapasitas diri kita tambah besar. Karena, hanya orang besar yang layak mendapatkan kesempatan besar.
4. Besarkanlah kapasitas diri dengan kemauan sendiri. Saya berani mengatakan bahwa Anda tidak bisa mengandalkan proses pengembangan kapasitas diri Anda kepada atasan Anda. Mengapa? Karena proses pengembangan diri itu harus dimulai dari kesadaran yang datang dari diri Anda sendiri. Atasan Anda hanya bisa memfasilitasi prosesnya, atau merekomendasikan program pelatihannya, atau sekedar menyediakan budgetnya. Apakah Anda berhasil mengembangkan kapasitas diri itu atau tidak, atasan Anda tidak memiliki kuasa untuk itu. Faktanya? Banyak orang yang ikut suatu pelatihan namun tidak menerapkan ilmu yang diperolehnya di tempat kerja. Banyak juga bawahan yang mengelak untuk mendapatkan penugasan menantang yang sebenarnya merupakan kesempatan bagi mereka untuk berkembang lebih cepat. Bukankah kita sering mengomel kalau diberi tugas yang sulit? Padahal kita tahu bahwa pengalaman adalah bekal yang paling relevan, berdampak, dan berdaya guna. Dan itu tidak bisa kita raih selain dengan menjalaninya sendiri. Kebanyakan orang langsung nyantai begitu pekerjaannya selesai. Banyak juga yang sengaja melambat-lambatkan pekerjaanya dengan maksud menghindari penugasan lainnya. Tapi seorang staff memiliki kemauan yang sedemikian kuat untuk berkembang lebih pesat. Dia beristirahat hanya pada waktunya istirahat. Lalu berpindah dari tugas yang satu kepada tugas yang lain. Setahu saya, karir orang ini melejit sangat cepat. Bahkan melampaui posisi mantan atasannya. Mengapa hanya dia yang begitu? Apakah atasannya pilih kasih? Tidak. Itu karena memang dia memiliki kemauan untuk memperbesar kapasitas dirinya sendiri.
5. Raihlah kesempurnaan dengan proses pencarian tanpa henti. Orang-orang yang merasa dirinya sudah sempurna pasti jauh dari kesempurnaan. Mengapa? Karena tidak ada satu hal pun dimuka bumi ini yang benar-benar statis. Semua bergerak secara dinamis. Bahkan benda-benda yang terlihat diam pun sebenarnya bergerak. Apakah secara absolut pada tingkatan atomiknya, maupun secara relatif dalam tingkatan kosmiknya. Segala sesuatu yang hari ini kita kira sebagai puncak pecapaian, akan segera kadaluarsa lalu digantikan oleh pencapaian lain yang jauh lebih bernilai. Kesempurnaan pencapaian diri kita itu laksana undakan anak tangga. Setiap kali kita menanjak naik, posisi kita memang menjadi lebih tinggi. Namun kita tidak benar-benar sampai ke puncak tertinggi. Jika kita berhenti pada anak tangga itu, maka kita hanya akan bisa mencapai setinggi itu. Lihatlah satu anak tangga lagi, maka kita akan tahu bahwa meski sudah tinggi tapi kita belum cukup tinggi. Naiklah lagi, dan posisi kita lebih tinggi lagi. Naiklah lagi, dan naiklah lagi. Itulah satu-satunya cara untuk menapaki ketinggian nilai-nilai kemanusiaan diri kita sendiri. Yaitu dengan pencarian yang tanpa henti. Sebagai imbalannya, setiap penemuan yang kita dapatkan itu semakin mendekatkan diri kita pada kesempurnaan diri. Karenanya, kesempurnaan hanyalah milik para pencari tanpa henti.
Banyak karyawan yang sangat senang dengan penugasan ringan. Mereka merasa nyaman dengan segala kemudahan dalam menyelesaikan tugas-tugasnya. Padahal, justru kondisi itu sangat membahayakan karir mereka sendiri. Tugas-tugas ringan yang kita dapatkan dari pekerjaan tidak ubahnya seperti pot-pot kecil yang akan menghalangi pertumbuhan akar, dahan dan ranting-ranting kapasitas diri yang besar. Jika pohon beringin yang bisa tumbuh puluhan meter pun bisa dikerdilkan untuk menjadi hanya 15 senti, maka kapasitas diri kita yang sangat besar itu pun pasti bisa dikerdilkan hanya dengan cara memberinya tugas-tugas yang kecil. Maka mulai sekarang, berhentilah merasa nyaman dengan tugas-tugas kecil. Dan mulailah untuk memberikan pohon kapasitas diri Anda tanah yang luas dan besar agar bisa tumbuh hingga sebesar-besarnya.
Mari Berbagi Semangat!
Dadang Kadarusman - Deka – 4 Oktober 2011
Trainer “Natural Intelligence Leadership Training”
Penulis buku ”Natural Intelligence Leadership” (jadwal terbit Oktober 2011)
Self Esteem
You can't touch it, but it affects how you feel. You can't see it, but it's there when you look at yourself in the mirror. You can't hear it, but it's there every time you talk about yourself. What is this important but mysterious thing? It's your self-esteem!
What Is Self-Esteem?
To understand self-esteem, it helps to break the term into two words. Let's take a look at the word esteem first. Esteem (say: ess-teem) is a fancy word for thinking that someone or something is important or valuing that person or thing. For example, if you really admire your friend's dad because he volunteers at the fire department, it means you hold him in high esteem. And the special trophy for the most valuable player on a team is often called an esteemed trophy. This means the trophy stands for an important accomplishment.
And self means, well, yourself! So when you put the two words together, it's easier to see what self-esteem is. It's how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It's how you see yourself and how you feel about your achievements. Self-esteem isn't bragging about how great you are. It's more like quietly knowing that you're worth a lot (priceless, in fact!). It's not about thinking you're perfect - because nobody is - but knowing that you're worthy of being loved and accepted..
Why Self-Esteem Is Important
Self-esteem isn't like a cool pair of sneakers that you'd love to have but don't have to have. A kid needs to have self-esteem.
Good self-esteem is important because it helps you to hold your head high and feel proud of yourself and what you can do. It gives you the courage to try new things and the power to believe in yourself. It lets you respect yourself, even when you make mistakes. And when you respect yourself, adults and other kids usually respect you, too.
Having good self-esteem is also the ticket to making good choices about your mind and body. If you think you're important, you'll be less likely to follow the crowd if your friends are doing something dumb or dangerous. If you have good self-esteem, you know that you're smart enough to make your own decisions. You value your safety, your feelings, your health - your whole self! Good self-esteem helps you know that every part of you is worth caring for and protecting.
How Kids Get Self-Esteem
When a baby is born, he doesn't see himself in a good way or a bad way. He doesn't think, "I'm great!" when he lets out a big burp, or "Oh, no, this diaper makes my legs look weird!" when he sees himself in a mirror. Instead, people around the baby help him develop his self-esteem as he grows.
At first, only a baby's family might help him develop good self-esteem. They might encourage the baby when he tries to walk or praise him when he eats his cereal. They also care for him and help him when he needs it. These positive words and actions teach him to see himself as important and feel good about himself. Even though he's so young, he's already learning that he's valuable and lovable.
As a kid gets older, many other people come into his life who can help him develop his self-esteem, such as teachers, coaches, friends, teammates, and classmates. They can help him learn things and cheer him on. They can help him figure out how to do things for himself and notice his good qualities. They can believe in him and encourage him to try again when he doesn't do something right. These types of people and activities help kids develop good self-esteem - and become kids who see themselves in a positive way and feel proud of themselves and what they are able to do.
A Little on Low Self-Esteem
Maybe you know a kid who has low self-esteem and doesn't think very highly of himself or seems to criticize himself too much. Or maybe you have low self-esteem and don't always feel very good about yourself or think you're important.
Sometimes a kid will have low self-esteem if his mother or father doesn't encourage him enough or if there is a lot of yelling at home. Other times, a kid's self-esteem can be hurt in the classroom. A teacher may make a kid feel dumb or perhaps there is a bully who says hurtful things.
For some kids, classes at school can seem so hard that they can't keep up or get the grades they'd hoped for. This can make them feel bad about themselves and hurt their self-esteem. Their self-esteem will improve when a teacher, tutor, or counselor can encourage them, be patient, and help them get back on track with learning. When they start to do well, their self-esteem will skyrocket!
And there are some kids who have good self-esteem, but then something happens to change that. For example, if a kid moves and doesn't make friends at first in his new school, he might start to feel bad about himself if he thinks he won't ever make friends. A kid whose parents divorce also may find that this can affect his self-esteem. He may feel bad if he begins to think he's to blame or that he's unlovable. And if a kid feels he is too fat or too thin, his self-esteem may go down if he starts thinking that means he's not good enough. Even going through the body changes of puberty - something that everybody does - can affect a kid's self-esteem.
Boosting Your Self-Esteem
Of course it's OK to have ups and downs in your feelings, but having low self-esteem isn't OK. Feeling like you're not important can make you sad and can keep you from trying new things. It can keep you from making friends or hurt how you do at school. Having strong self-esteem is also a very big part of growing up; as you get older and face tough decisions - especially under peer pressure - the more self-esteem you have, the better. It's important to know you're worth a lot.
If you think you might have low self-esteem, try talking to an adult you trust about it. He or she may be able to help you come up with some good ideas for building your self-esteem.
In the meantime, here are a few things that you can try to increase your self-esteem:
• Remember that your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it is. If you are worried about your weight or size, you can check with your doctor to make sure that things are OK.
• Remember that there are things about yourself you can't change - such as skin color and shoe size - and you should accept and love these things because they are part of you.
• Remind yourself of things about your body that are cool, like, "My legs are strong and I can skate really well."
• When you hear negative comments in your head, mentally tell yourself to stop. The critical voice inside you will soon lose its power.
• Give yourself three compliments every day. Don't just say, "I'm so great." Be specific about something good about yourself, like, "I was a good friend to Jill today" or "I did better on that test than I thought I would." While you're at it, before you go to bed every night, list three things in your day that really made you happy.
By focusing on the good things you do and all your great qualities, you learn to love and accept yourself, and that's the main ingredient for strong self-esteem. Even if you've got room for improvement (and who doesn't?), realizing that you're valuable and important helps your self-esteem to shine.
Updated and reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: December 2002
What Is Self-Esteem?
To understand self-esteem, it helps to break the term into two words. Let's take a look at the word esteem first. Esteem (say: ess-teem) is a fancy word for thinking that someone or something is important or valuing that person or thing. For example, if you really admire your friend's dad because he volunteers at the fire department, it means you hold him in high esteem. And the special trophy for the most valuable player on a team is often called an esteemed trophy. This means the trophy stands for an important accomplishment.
And self means, well, yourself! So when you put the two words together, it's easier to see what self-esteem is. It's how much you value yourself and how important you think you are. It's how you see yourself and how you feel about your achievements. Self-esteem isn't bragging about how great you are. It's more like quietly knowing that you're worth a lot (priceless, in fact!). It's not about thinking you're perfect - because nobody is - but knowing that you're worthy of being loved and accepted..
Why Self-Esteem Is Important
Self-esteem isn't like a cool pair of sneakers that you'd love to have but don't have to have. A kid needs to have self-esteem.
Good self-esteem is important because it helps you to hold your head high and feel proud of yourself and what you can do. It gives you the courage to try new things and the power to believe in yourself. It lets you respect yourself, even when you make mistakes. And when you respect yourself, adults and other kids usually respect you, too.
Having good self-esteem is also the ticket to making good choices about your mind and body. If you think you're important, you'll be less likely to follow the crowd if your friends are doing something dumb or dangerous. If you have good self-esteem, you know that you're smart enough to make your own decisions. You value your safety, your feelings, your health - your whole self! Good self-esteem helps you know that every part of you is worth caring for and protecting.
How Kids Get Self-Esteem
When a baby is born, he doesn't see himself in a good way or a bad way. He doesn't think, "I'm great!" when he lets out a big burp, or "Oh, no, this diaper makes my legs look weird!" when he sees himself in a mirror. Instead, people around the baby help him develop his self-esteem as he grows.
At first, only a baby's family might help him develop good self-esteem. They might encourage the baby when he tries to walk or praise him when he eats his cereal. They also care for him and help him when he needs it. These positive words and actions teach him to see himself as important and feel good about himself. Even though he's so young, he's already learning that he's valuable and lovable.
As a kid gets older, many other people come into his life who can help him develop his self-esteem, such as teachers, coaches, friends, teammates, and classmates. They can help him learn things and cheer him on. They can help him figure out how to do things for himself and notice his good qualities. They can believe in him and encourage him to try again when he doesn't do something right. These types of people and activities help kids develop good self-esteem - and become kids who see themselves in a positive way and feel proud of themselves and what they are able to do.
A Little on Low Self-Esteem
Maybe you know a kid who has low self-esteem and doesn't think very highly of himself or seems to criticize himself too much. Or maybe you have low self-esteem and don't always feel very good about yourself or think you're important.
Sometimes a kid will have low self-esteem if his mother or father doesn't encourage him enough or if there is a lot of yelling at home. Other times, a kid's self-esteem can be hurt in the classroom. A teacher may make a kid feel dumb or perhaps there is a bully who says hurtful things.
For some kids, classes at school can seem so hard that they can't keep up or get the grades they'd hoped for. This can make them feel bad about themselves and hurt their self-esteem. Their self-esteem will improve when a teacher, tutor, or counselor can encourage them, be patient, and help them get back on track with learning. When they start to do well, their self-esteem will skyrocket!
And there are some kids who have good self-esteem, but then something happens to change that. For example, if a kid moves and doesn't make friends at first in his new school, he might start to feel bad about himself if he thinks he won't ever make friends. A kid whose parents divorce also may find that this can affect his self-esteem. He may feel bad if he begins to think he's to blame or that he's unlovable. And if a kid feels he is too fat or too thin, his self-esteem may go down if he starts thinking that means he's not good enough. Even going through the body changes of puberty - something that everybody does - can affect a kid's self-esteem.
Boosting Your Self-Esteem
Of course it's OK to have ups and downs in your feelings, but having low self-esteem isn't OK. Feeling like you're not important can make you sad and can keep you from trying new things. It can keep you from making friends or hurt how you do at school. Having strong self-esteem is also a very big part of growing up; as you get older and face tough decisions - especially under peer pressure - the more self-esteem you have, the better. It's important to know you're worth a lot.
If you think you might have low self-esteem, try talking to an adult you trust about it. He or she may be able to help you come up with some good ideas for building your self-esteem.
In the meantime, here are a few things that you can try to increase your self-esteem:
• Remember that your body is your own, no matter what shape, size, or color it is. If you are worried about your weight or size, you can check with your doctor to make sure that things are OK.
• Remember that there are things about yourself you can't change - such as skin color and shoe size - and you should accept and love these things because they are part of you.
• Remind yourself of things about your body that are cool, like, "My legs are strong and I can skate really well."
• When you hear negative comments in your head, mentally tell yourself to stop. The critical voice inside you will soon lose its power.
• Give yourself three compliments every day. Don't just say, "I'm so great." Be specific about something good about yourself, like, "I was a good friend to Jill today" or "I did better on that test than I thought I would." While you're at it, before you go to bed every night, list three things in your day that really made you happy.
By focusing on the good things you do and all your great qualities, you learn to love and accept yourself, and that's the main ingredient for strong self-esteem. Even if you've got room for improvement (and who doesn't?), realizing that you're valuable and important helps your self-esteem to shine.
Updated and reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: December 2002
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
1. Be Proactive. Take the initiative and make things happen. Aggressively seek new ideas and innovations. Don’t let a negative environment affect your behavior and decisions. Work on things that you can do something about. If you make a mistake, acknowledge it and learn from it.
2. Begin with the end in mind. Know where you are going and make sure all the steps you take are in the right direction. First determine the right things to accomplish and then how to best accomplish them. Write a personal mission statement describing where you want to go and what you want to be and how to accomplish these things.
3. Put first things first. List your priorities each day for the upcoming week and schedule time to work on them. Continually review and prioritize your goals. Say NO to doing unimportant tasks. Focus on the important tasks, the ones that will have impact if carefully thought out and planned.
4. Think win/win. Win/win is a frame of mind that seeks mutual benefits for all people involved in solutions and agreements. Identify the key issues and results that would constitute a fully acceptable solution to all. Make all involved in the decision feel good about the decision and committed to a plan of action.
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Learn as much as you can about a situation. "Listen, listen, listen." Try to see the problem from the other person’s perspective. Be willing to be adaptable in seeking to be understood. Present things logically, not emotionally. Be credible, emphatic, and logical.
6. Synergize. Make the whole greater than the sum of its parts. Value the differences in the people you work with. Foster open and honest communication. Help everyone bring out the best in everyone else.
7. Renewal. Renew the four dimensions of your nature.
• Physical: Exercise, nutrition, stress management.
• Mental: Reading, thinking, visualizing, planning, writing.
• Spiritual: Studying God’s Word, Praying, Giving/Serving, Fellowshipping.
• Social/Emotional: Service, empathy, self-esteem, synergy.
The upward spiral: Learn, Commit, Do; Learn, Commit, Do; Learn
2. Begin with the end in mind. Know where you are going and make sure all the steps you take are in the right direction. First determine the right things to accomplish and then how to best accomplish them. Write a personal mission statement describing where you want to go and what you want to be and how to accomplish these things.
3. Put first things first. List your priorities each day for the upcoming week and schedule time to work on them. Continually review and prioritize your goals. Say NO to doing unimportant tasks. Focus on the important tasks, the ones that will have impact if carefully thought out and planned.
4. Think win/win. Win/win is a frame of mind that seeks mutual benefits for all people involved in solutions and agreements. Identify the key issues and results that would constitute a fully acceptable solution to all. Make all involved in the decision feel good about the decision and committed to a plan of action.
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Learn as much as you can about a situation. "Listen, listen, listen." Try to see the problem from the other person’s perspective. Be willing to be adaptable in seeking to be understood. Present things logically, not emotionally. Be credible, emphatic, and logical.
6. Synergize. Make the whole greater than the sum of its parts. Value the differences in the people you work with. Foster open and honest communication. Help everyone bring out the best in everyone else.
7. Renewal. Renew the four dimensions of your nature.
• Physical: Exercise, nutrition, stress management.
• Mental: Reading, thinking, visualizing, planning, writing.
• Spiritual: Studying God’s Word, Praying, Giving/Serving, Fellowshipping.
• Social/Emotional: Service, empathy, self-esteem, synergy.
The upward spiral: Learn, Commit, Do; Learn, Commit, Do; Learn
Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You
TOPICS:
• What Is Anger?
• Anger Management
• Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay?
• Do You Need Counseling?
________________________________________
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
What cause it?
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at
-- a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or
-- event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or
-- your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems.
-- Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings.
The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management,
some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does.
There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be
genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age.
Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
• What Is Anger?
• Anger Management
• Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay?
• Do You Need Counseling?
________________________________________
What is Anger?
The Nature of Anger
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it: whether as a fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
What cause it?
Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at
-- a specific person (Such as a coworker or supervisor) or
-- event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or
-- your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems.
-- Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.
On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings.
The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
Anger can be suppressed, and then converted or redirected. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, your anger can turn inward—on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.
Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Finally, you can calm down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.
As Dr. Spielberger notes, "when none of these three techniques work, that's when someone—or something—is going to get hurt."
Anger Management
The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of, or avoid, the things or the people that enrage you, nor can you change them, but you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management,
some people really are more "hotheaded" than others are; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person does.
There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.
People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, being corrected for a minor mistake.
What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be
genetic or physiological: There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age.
Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative; we're taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.
Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications.
Is It Good To "Let it All Hang Out?"
Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that "letting it rip" with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.
It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then to develop strategies to keep those triggers from tipping you over the edge.
Strategies To Keep Anger At Bay
Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. If you are involved in a relationship where both partners are hot-tempered, it might be a good idea for both of you to learn these techniques.
Some simple steps you can try:
• Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
• Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
• Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
• Nonstrenuous, slow yoga-like exercises can relax your muscles and make you feel much calmer.
Practice these techniques daily. Learn to use them automatically when you're in a tense situation.
Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow."
Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. "This !&*%@ machine never works," or "you're always forgetting things" are not just inaccurate, they also serve to make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.
Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it'll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don't get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren't met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, "I would like" something is healthier than saying, "I demand" or "I must have" something. When you're unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions—frustration, disappointment, hurt—but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn't mean the hurt goes away.
Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away.
Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
Listen, too, to what is underlying the anger. For instance, you like a certain amount of freedom and personal space, and your "significant other" wants more connection and closeness. If he or she starts complaining about your activities, don't retaliate by painting your partner as a jailer, a warden, or an albatross around your neck.
It's natural to get defensive when you're criticized, but don't fight back. Instead, listen to what's underlying the words: the message that this person might feel neglected and unloved. It may take a lot of patient questioning on your part, and it may require some breathing space, but don't let your anger—or a partner's—let a discussion spin out of control. Keeping your cool can keep the situation from becoming a disastrous one.
Using Humor
"Silly humor" can help defuse rage in a number of ways. For one thing, it can help you get a more balanced perspective. When you get angry and call someone a name or refer to them in some imaginative phrase, stop and picture what that word would literally look like. If you're at work and you think of a coworker as a "dirtbag" or a "single-cell life form," for example, picture a large bag full of dirt (or an amoeba) sitting at your colleague's desk, talking on the phone, going to meetings. Do this whenever a name comes into your head about another person. If you can, draw a picture of what the actual thing might look like. This will take a lot of the edge off your fury; and humor can always be relied on to help unknot a tense situation.
The underlying message of highly angry people, Dr. Deffenbacher says, is "things oughta go my way!" Angry people tend to feel that they are morally right, that any blocking or changing of their plans is an unbearable indignity and that they should NOT have to suffer this way. Maybe other people do, but not them!
When you feel that urge, he suggests, picture yourself as a god or goddess, a supreme ruler, who owns the streets and stores and office space, striding alone and having your way in all situations while others defer to you. The more detail you can get into your imaginary scenes, the more chances you have to realize that maybe you are being unreasonable; you'll also realize how unimportant the things you're angry about really are. There are two cautions in using humor. First, don't try to just "laugh off" your problems; rather, use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. Second, don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of unhealthy anger expression.
What these techniques have in common is a refusal to take yourself too seriously. Anger is a serious emotion, but it's often accompanied by ideas that, if examined, can make you laugh.
Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap.
Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the working mother who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to Mom unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids without blowing up at them.
Some Other Tips for Easing Up on Yourself
Timing: If you and your spouse tend to fight when you discuss things at night—perhaps you're tired, or distracted, or maybe it's just habit—try changing the times when you talk about important matters so these talks don't turn into arguments.
Avoidance: If your child's chaotic room makes you furious every time you walk by it, shut the door. Don't make yourself look at what infuriates you. Don't say, "well, my child should clean up the room so I won't have to be angry!" That's not the point. The point is to keep yourself calm.
Finding alternatives: If your daily commute through traffic leaves you in a state of rage and frustration, give yourself a project—learn or map out a different route, one that's less congested or more scenic. Or find another alternative, such as a bus or commuter train.
Do You Need Counseling?
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behavior.
When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them"—that may be precisely what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the techniques used.
What About Assertiveness Training?
It's true that angry people need to learn to become assertive (rather than aggressive), but most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. These people are more passive and acquiescent than the average person; they tend to let others walk all over them. That isn't something that most angry people do. Still, these books can contain some useful tactics to use in frustrating situations.
Remember, you can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. In spite of all your efforts, things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. Life will be filled with frustration, pain, loss, and the unpredictable actions of others. You can't change that; but you can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your angry responses can keep them from making you even more unhappy in the long run.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
MINISTRY
Some people have a JOB in the church; others involve themselves in a MINISTRY.
What's the difference?
If you are doing it just because no one else will, it's a JOB.
If you are doing it to serve the Lord, it's a MINISTRY.
If you quit because somebody criticized you, it was a JOB.
If you keep on serving, it's a MINISTRY.
If you'll do it only as long as it does not interfere with your other activities, it's a JOB.
If you are committed to staying with it even when it means letting go of other things, it's a MINISTRY.
If you quit because no one praised or thanked you, it was a JOB.
If you stay with it even though nobody recognizes your efforts, it is a MINISTRY.
It's hard to get excited about a JOB.
It's almost impossible not to be excited about a MINISTRY.
If our concern is success, it's a JOB.
If our concern is faithfulness, it's a MINISTRY.
An average church is filled with people doing JOBs.
A great and growing church is filled with people involved in MINISTRY.
Where do we fit in? What about us?
If God calls you to a MINISTRY, don't treat it like a JOB.
If you have a JOB, give it up and find a MINISTRY.
God does not want us feeling stuck with a JOB, but excited and faithful to Him in a MINISTRY.
- Author Unknown –
What's the difference?
If you are doing it just because no one else will, it's a JOB.
If you are doing it to serve the Lord, it's a MINISTRY.
If you quit because somebody criticized you, it was a JOB.
If you keep on serving, it's a MINISTRY.
If you'll do it only as long as it does not interfere with your other activities, it's a JOB.
If you are committed to staying with it even when it means letting go of other things, it's a MINISTRY.
If you quit because no one praised or thanked you, it was a JOB.
If you stay with it even though nobody recognizes your efforts, it is a MINISTRY.
It's hard to get excited about a JOB.
It's almost impossible not to be excited about a MINISTRY.
If our concern is success, it's a JOB.
If our concern is faithfulness, it's a MINISTRY.
An average church is filled with people doing JOBs.
A great and growing church is filled with people involved in MINISTRY.
Where do we fit in? What about us?
If God calls you to a MINISTRY, don't treat it like a JOB.
If you have a JOB, give it up and find a MINISTRY.
God does not want us feeling stuck with a JOB, but excited and faithful to Him in a MINISTRY.
- Author Unknown –
OUR GREATEST NEED
“If our greatest need had been information,
God would have sent us an educator.
If our greatest need had been technology,
God would have sent us a scientist.
If our greatest need had been money,
God would have sent us an economist.
If our greatest need had been pleasure,
God would have sent us an entertainer.
But our greatest need was forgiveness,
So God sent us a Savior!
God would have sent us an educator.
If our greatest need had been technology,
God would have sent us a scientist.
If our greatest need had been money,
God would have sent us an economist.
If our greatest need had been pleasure,
God would have sent us an entertainer.
But our greatest need was forgiveness,
So God sent us a Savior!
BEAUTIFUL PRAYER
I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
If you love God, send this to ten people and back to the person that sent it.
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You.
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations;
it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own! , but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
God said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.
If you love God, send this to ten people and back to the person that sent it.
THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY
May God Bless You.
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"
Servant Attitude
People are illogical, unreasonable and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them. Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
John R. W. Stott, The Preacher’s Portrait, Some New Testament Word Studies, (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publ. Co., 1961), pp. 100ff
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them. Help them anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
John R. W. Stott, The Preacher’s Portrait, Some New Testament Word Studies, (Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publ. Co., 1961), pp. 100ff
Service requires action
A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out.
A subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down there."
An objective person walked by and said, "It's logical that someone would fall down there."
A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits."
A mathematician calculated how deep the pit was.
A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.
An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.
A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you've seen my pit."
A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, "You deserve your pit."
A Christian Scientist observed, "The pit is just in your mind."
A psychologist noted, "Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit."
A self-esteem therapist said, "Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit."
An optimist said, "Things could be worse."
A pessimist claimed, "Things will get worse."
A subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down there."
An objective person walked by and said, "It's logical that someone would fall down there."
A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits."
A mathematician calculated how deep the pit was.
A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit.
An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit.
A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you've seen my pit."
A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, "You deserve your pit."
A Christian Scientist observed, "The pit is just in your mind."
A psychologist noted, "Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit."
A self-esteem therapist said, "Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit."
An optimist said, "Things could be worse."
A pessimist claimed, "Things will get worse."
Success
Philippians 4:13
The road to success is not straight.
There is a curve called Failure;
A loop called Confusion;
Speed bumps called Friends;
Red lights called Enemies;
Caution lights called Family.
You will have flats called Jobs.
BUT,
If you have a spare called Determination;
An engine called Perseverance;
Insurance called Faith, and
A driver called JESUS, you will make it to a place
called SUCCESS !
The road to success is not straight.
There is a curve called Failure;
A loop called Confusion;
Speed bumps called Friends;
Red lights called Enemies;
Caution lights called Family.
You will have flats called Jobs.
BUT,
If you have a spare called Determination;
An engine called Perseverance;
Insurance called Faith, and
A driver called JESUS, you will make it to a place
called SUCCESS !
WHERE
Where there are love and generosity, there is joy.
Where there are sincerity and sacrifice, there is friendship.
Where there are harmony and simplicity, there is beauty.
Where there are prayer and forgiveness, there is peace.
Where there are moderation and patience, there is wisdom.
Where there are conflicts and crises, there is opportunity.
Where there are wonder and adventure, there is growth.
Where there are adoration and confession, there is worship.
Where there are compassion and concern, there is God.
Where there are faith and hope, there is spring.
(Larry Reed)
Where there are sincerity and sacrifice, there is friendship.
Where there are harmony and simplicity, there is beauty.
Where there are prayer and forgiveness, there is peace.
Where there are moderation and patience, there is wisdom.
Where there are conflicts and crises, there is opportunity.
Where there are wonder and adventure, there is growth.
Where there are adoration and confession, there is worship.
Where there are compassion and concern, there is God.
Where there are faith and hope, there is spring.
(Larry Reed)
WINNER VS LOSER
The Winner is always part of the answer; The Loser is always part of the problem.
The Winner is always has a program; The Loser always has an excuse.
The Winner says,"Let me do it for you; The Loser says;" That is not my job."
The Winner sees an answer for every problem; The Loser sees a problem for every answer.
The Winner says," It may be difficult but it is possible"; The Loser says,"It may be possible but it is too difficult."
When a Winner makes a mistake, he says," I was wrong"; When a Loser makes a mistake, he says," It wasn't my fault."
A Winner makes commitments; A Loser makes promises.
Winners have dreams; Loser have schemes.
Winners say," I must do something"; Losers say,"Something must be done."
Winners are a part of the team; Losers are apart from the team.
Winners see the gain; Losers see the pain.
Winners see possibilities; Losers see problems.
Winners believe in win/win; Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose. Winners see the potential; Losers see the past.
Winners are like a thermostat; Losers are like thermometers.
Winners choose what they say; Losers say what they choose.
Winners use hard arguments but soft words; Losers use soft arguments but hard words.
Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things; Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.
Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: "Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you"; Losers follow the philosophy, "Do it to others before they do it to you."
Winners make it happen; Losers let it happen.
The Winner is always has a program; The Loser always has an excuse.
The Winner says,"Let me do it for you; The Loser says;" That is not my job."
The Winner sees an answer for every problem; The Loser sees a problem for every answer.
The Winner says," It may be difficult but it is possible"; The Loser says,"It may be possible but it is too difficult."
When a Winner makes a mistake, he says," I was wrong"; When a Loser makes a mistake, he says," It wasn't my fault."
A Winner makes commitments; A Loser makes promises.
Winners have dreams; Loser have schemes.
Winners say," I must do something"; Losers say,"Something must be done."
Winners are a part of the team; Losers are apart from the team.
Winners see the gain; Losers see the pain.
Winners see possibilities; Losers see problems.
Winners believe in win/win; Losers believe for them to win someone has to lose. Winners see the potential; Losers see the past.
Winners are like a thermostat; Losers are like thermometers.
Winners choose what they say; Losers say what they choose.
Winners use hard arguments but soft words; Losers use soft arguments but hard words.
Winners stand firm on values but compromise on petty things; Losers stand firm on petty things but compromise on values.
Winners follow the philosophy of empathy: "Don't do to others what you would not want them to do to you"; Losers follow the philosophy, "Do it to others before they do it to you."
Winners make it happen; Losers let it happen.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
A Complete Listing of Our Favorite Bible Stories
Favorite Bible Stories from the Old Testament
The Beginning
Genesis 1:1-2:3
Adam and Eve
Genesis 2:15-25
The Fall
Genesis 3:1-23
God's Grief/Promise to Noah
Genesis 6:5-8; 8:13-22
Tower of Babel
Genesis 11:1-9
Call of Abram
Genesis 11:27-12:7
Abraham Pleads for Sodom
Genesis 18:16-33
Abraham Tested with Isaac
Genesis 22:1-19
Jacob and Esau/Isaac's Blessing
Genesis 25:23-34; 27:19-33
Jacob Wrestles with God
Genesis 32:22-32
Joseph Sold by His Brothers
Genesis 37:12-36
Joseph Makes Himself Known
Genesis 45:1-15
Birth of Moses
Exodus 2:1-10
Moses and the Burning Bush
Exodus 3:1-15
Crossing the Sea
Exodus 14:21-31
Manna and Quail
Exodus 16:1-31
Ten Commandments
Exodus 20:3-17
Golden Calf
Exodus 32:1-35
Balaam's Donkey and the Angel
Numbers 22:21-35
Rahab and the Spies
Joshua 2:1-21
Joshua Renews the Covenant
Joshua 24:1-27
Deborah the Judge
Judges 4:1-16
Gideon's Fear, Faith and Fleece
Judges 6:1-40
Gideon Defeats the Midianites
Judges 7:1-22
Samson and Delilah
Judges 16:4-22
Birth and Dedication of Samuel
I Samuel 1:1-28
The Lord Calls Samuel
I Samuel 3:1-18
Israel Asks for a King
I Samuel 8:1-22
Samuel Anoints David
I Samuel 16:1-13
David and Goliath
I Samuel 17:1-54
David Spares Saul's Life
I Samuel 24:1-22
David and Bathsheba
II Samuel 11:1-27
Nathan Rebukes David
II Samuel 12:1-14
Solomon's Wisdom and Ruling
I King 3:4-28
Solomon's Wealth and Women
I Kings 10:23-11:6
Elijah and the Priests of Baal
I Kings 18:16-45
The Still, Small Voice
I Kings 19:1-19
Elisha Heals the Shunammite's Son
II Kings 4:8-37
Josiah Renews the Covenant
II Kings 23:1-25
Nehemiah Prays/Asks the King
Nehemiah 1:1-2:9
Job Tested
Job 1:1-22
Isaiah's Vision
Isaiah 6:1-13
Valley of the Dry Bones
Ezekiel 37:1-14
Daniel Refuses the King's Food
Daniel 1:1-21
Three Men in a Fiery Furnace
Daniel 3:13-30
Jonah Runs Away From God's Call
Jonah 1:1-17
Jonah Rails Against God's Compassion
Jonah 4:1-11
Favorite Bible Stories From The New Testament
The Word Became Flesh
John 1:1-18
Birth of Jesus Foretold
Luke 1:26-38
Shepherds & Angels at Jesus' Birth
Luke 2:1-20
Jesus Presented in the Temple
Luke 2:21-40
John the Baptist Prepares the Way
Mark 1:1-8
Temptation of Jesus
Luke 4:1-13
Calling the First Disciples: Andrew
John 1:35-42
Calling the First Disciples: Simon
Luke 5:1-11
Request of James and John
Mark 10:35-45
Zacchaeus the Tax Collector
Luke 19:1-10
Jesus Rejected at Nazareth
Luke 4:14-30
Jesus Anointed by Sinful Woman
Luke 7:36-50
Woman Caught in Adultery
John 7:53-8:11
Jesus Heals a Paralytic
Mark 2:1-12
Transfiguration of Jesus
Mark 9:2-13
Jesus is the Good Shepherd
John 10:1-21
The Beatitudes
Matthew 5:3-10
Do Not Worry
Matthew 6:25-34
Wise and Foolish Builders
Matthew 7:24-29
Jesus Teaching on Prayer
Luke 11:1-13
The Rich Ruler and Eternal Life
Luke 18:18-30
Jesus Changes Water to Wine
John 2:1-11
Jesus Teaches Nicodemus
John 3:1-21
Jesus and the Samaritan Woman
John 4:1-26
Healing of a Demon-Possessed Man
Luke 8:26-29
Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
Mark 6:30-44
Jesus Walks on Water
Matthew 14:22-36
Raising of Lazarus
John 11:1-44
The Sower
Matthew 13:1-23
The Talents
Matthew 25:14-30
The Good Samaritan
Luke 10:25-37
The Rich Fool
Luke 12:13-21
The Great Banquet
Luke 14:15-24
The Prodigal Son
Luke 15:11-32
The Pharisse and the Tax Collector
Luke 18:9-14
Jesus Clears the Temple
Mark 11:12-19
Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet
John 13:1-17
Jesus is the Way to the Father
John 14:1-14
Jesus Anointed at Bethany
Mark 14:1-11
Gethsemane
Mark 14:32-42
Peter Disowns Jesus
Mark 14:66-72
Jesus Before Pilate
Matthew 27:11-26
Death of Jesus
Matthew 27:45-56
On the Road to Emmaus
Luke 24:13-15
Jesus Appears to Thomas
John 20:24-31
Jesus Reinstates Peter
John 21:15-25
The Beginning
Genesis 1:1-2:3
Adam and Eve
Genesis 2:15-25
The Fall
Genesis 3:1-23
God's Grief/Promise to Noah
Genesis 6:5-8; 8:13-22
Tower of Babel
Genesis 11:1-9
Call of Abram
Genesis 11:27-12:7
Abraham Pleads for Sodom
Genesis 18:16-33
Abraham Tested with Isaac
Genesis 22:1-19
Jacob and Esau/Isaac's Blessing
Genesis 25:23-34; 27:19-33
Jacob Wrestles with God
Genesis 32:22-32
Joseph Sold by His Brothers
Genesis 37:12-36
Joseph Makes Himself Known
Genesis 45:1-15
Birth of Moses
Exodus 2:1-10
Moses and the Burning Bush
Exodus 3:1-15
Crossing the Sea
Exodus 14:21-31
Manna and Quail
Exodus 16:1-31
Ten Commandments
Exodus 20:3-17
Golden Calf
Exodus 32:1-35
Balaam's Donkey and the Angel
Numbers 22:21-35
Rahab and the Spies
Joshua 2:1-21
Joshua Renews the Covenant
Joshua 24:1-27
Deborah the Judge
Judges 4:1-16
Gideon's Fear, Faith and Fleece
Judges 6:1-40
Gideon Defeats the Midianites
Judges 7:1-22
Samson and Delilah
Judges 16:4-22
Birth and Dedication of Samuel
I Samuel 1:1-28
The Lord Calls Samuel
I Samuel 3:1-18
Israel Asks for a King
I Samuel 8:1-22
Samuel Anoints David
I Samuel 16:1-13
David and Goliath
I Samuel 17:1-54
David Spares Saul's Life
I Samuel 24:1-22
David and Bathsheba
II Samuel 11:1-27
Nathan Rebukes David
II Samuel 12:1-14
Solomon's Wisdom and Ruling
I King 3:4-28
Solomon's Wealth and Women
I Kings 10:23-11:6
Elijah and the Priests of Baal
I Kings 18:16-45
The Still, Small Voice
I Kings 19:1-19
Elisha Heals the Shunammite's Son
II Kings 4:8-37
Josiah Renews the Covenant
II Kings 23:1-25
Nehemiah Prays/Asks the King
Nehemiah 1:1-2:9
Job Tested
Job 1:1-22
Isaiah's Vision
Isaiah 6:1-13
Valley of the Dry Bones
Ezekiel 37:1-14
Daniel Refuses the King's Food
Daniel 1:1-21
Three Men in a Fiery Furnace
Daniel 3:13-30
Jonah Runs Away From God's Call
Jonah 1:1-17
Jonah Rails Against God's Compassion
Jonah 4:1-11
Favorite Bible Stories From The New Testament
The Word Became Flesh
John 1:1-18
Birth of Jesus Foretold
Luke 1:26-38
Shepherds & Angels at Jesus' Birth
Luke 2:1-20
Jesus Presented in the Temple
Luke 2:21-40
John the Baptist Prepares the Way
Mark 1:1-8
Temptation of Jesus
Luke 4:1-13
Calling the First Disciples: Andrew
John 1:35-42
Calling the First Disciples: Simon
Luke 5:1-11
Request of James and John
Mark 10:35-45
Zacchaeus the Tax Collector
Luke 19:1-10
Jesus Rejected at Nazareth
Luke 4:14-30
Jesus Anointed by Sinful Woman
Luke 7:36-50
Woman Caught in Adultery
John 7:53-8:11
Jesus Heals a Paralytic
Mark 2:1-12
Transfiguration of Jesus
Mark 9:2-13
Jesus is the Good Shepherd
John 10:1-21
The Beatitudes
Matthew 5:3-10
Do Not Worry
Matthew 6:25-34
Wise and Foolish Builders
Matthew 7:24-29
Jesus Teaching on Prayer
Luke 11:1-13
The Rich Ruler and Eternal Life
Luke 18:18-30
Jesus Changes Water to Wine
John 2:1-11
Jesus Teaches Nicodemus
John 3:1-21
Jesus and the Samaritan Woman
John 4:1-26
Healing of a Demon-Possessed Man
Luke 8:26-29
Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
Mark 6:30-44
Jesus Walks on Water
Matthew 14:22-36
Raising of Lazarus
John 11:1-44
The Sower
Matthew 13:1-23
The Talents
Matthew 25:14-30
The Good Samaritan
Luke 10:25-37
The Rich Fool
Luke 12:13-21
The Great Banquet
Luke 14:15-24
The Prodigal Son
Luke 15:11-32
The Pharisse and the Tax Collector
Luke 18:9-14
Jesus Clears the Temple
Mark 11:12-19
Jesus Washes His Disciples' Feet
John 13:1-17
Jesus is the Way to the Father
John 14:1-14
Jesus Anointed at Bethany
Mark 14:1-11
Gethsemane
Mark 14:32-42
Peter Disowns Jesus
Mark 14:66-72
Jesus Before Pilate
Matthew 27:11-26
Death of Jesus
Matthew 27:45-56
On the Road to Emmaus
Luke 24:13-15
Jesus Appears to Thomas
John 20:24-31
Jesus Reinstates Peter
John 21:15-25
Upacara Pernikahan
Upacara Pernikahan
William Sia & Dewisari Heuw
6 Sept 08, 1.00 p.m.
1.10 Pengantin wanita datang (pengunjung berdiri) diiringi lagu….
Pengantin berdiri bersama, pengunjung duduk
1.20.Welcome note by Ps Hendra
1.25 singing worship Amazing Grace
1.30 Ko Hen Sermon (5 menit)
1.35 Janji pengantin
Ps Hen ke WILLIAM: dalam mengambil DEWI sebagai istrimu yang sah, maukah anda berjanji pada dia, dalam kasih dan hormat, dalam semua tugas dan kewajiban, dalam iman, untuk hidup dengan dia
dan mengasihi dia, sesuai dengan kehendak Allah, dalam ikatan
pernikahan yang kudus?
WILLIAM : Ya, saya bersedia…
Ps. Hen ke DEWI: Apakah anda, DEWI, mengambil WILLIAM SIA
untuk menjadi suamimu?
DEWI : Ya!
Ps Hen ke W and D: William dan Dewi, sekarang bias saling berhadapan.
Ps Hen ke WILLIAM: WILLIAM, anda boleh ulangi kata2 saya:
“Saya, WILLIAM SIA, mengambil anda, DEWISARI HEUW, untuk menjadi istri saya yang sah. Saya berjanji di hadapan Tuhan dan semua saksi di sini untuk menjadi suami yang penuh kasih dan setia, dalam kelimpahan ataupun kekurangan, dalam suka ataupun duka, dalam keadaan sakit ataupun sehat, untuk sepanjang hidup kami.”
Ps. Hen ke WILLIAM: Suami, kasihi istrimu, seperti Kristus mengasihi gerejanya dan
memberikan nyawanya untuknya.
Ps Hen ke DEWI: DEWI, anda boleh ikuti kata2 saya:
“Saya, DEWI, mengambil anda, WILLIAM SIA, untuk menjadi suami saya yang sah. Saya berjanji di hadapan Tuhan dan semua saksi yang ada di sini untuk menjadi istri yang penuh kasih dan setia, di dalam kelimpahan dan kekurangan, dalam suka dan duka, dalam keadaan sakit dan sehat, untuk sepanjang hidup kami.”
Ps Hen ke DEWI: Istri, tunduk kepada suamimu seperti kepada Tuhan, karena suami adalah kepala dari istri seperti Kristus adalah kepala gereja. Karena itu seperti gereja tunduk kepada Kristus, jadi hendaklah istri tunduk kepada suami dalam segala hal.
1.45 Ring Ceremony
Ps Hendra : Dua cincin yang segera akan ditukarkan ini adalah reminders yang akan selalu mengingatkan mereka akan janji yang tadi mereka ucapkan.
Cincin yang bulat melambangkan kekekalan, di mana pernikahan mereka adalah untuk selama-lamanya, di mana hanya kematian yang boleh memisahkan mereka.
Ps Hen ke WILLIAM : WILLIAM, masukkan cincin yang anda pegang ke jari DEWI…dan ikuti kata2 saya dengan sepenuh hati..
“Dengan cincin ini, saya mengambil anda sebagai istri yang sah. Anda boleh memiliki saya sepenuhnya. Saya lakukan ini, karena saya mengasihi anda.”
Ps Hen ke DEWI : DEWI, masukkan cincin yang anda pegang ke jari WILLIAM dan ikuti kata2 saya dengan sepenuh hati.…
“Dengan cincin ini, saya mengambil anda sebagai suami yang sah. Anda boleh memiliki saya sepenuhnya. Saya lakukan ini karena saya mengasihi anda..”
Ps. Hendra : Karena anda berdua sudah berjanji untuk saling mengasihi sepanjang hidup kalian, di hadirat Tuhan yang kudus dan di hadapan keluarga dan teman2mu, yang menjadi saksi dari janjimu. Saya dengan sukacita memutuskan, di dalam nama Tuhan Yesus Kristus, kalian sekarang adalah suami istri.
Sekarang WILLIAM bisa mencium istrimu…
1.55 Perjamuan Kudus
2.05 Tandatangan surat nikah diiringi lagu
2.15 Ucapan terimakasih dari pengantin ke ortu..
2.25 Doa
2.30 Selesai
William Sia & Dewisari Heuw
6 Sept 08, 1.00 p.m.
1.10 Pengantin wanita datang (pengunjung berdiri) diiringi lagu….
Pengantin berdiri bersama, pengunjung duduk
1.20.Welcome note by Ps Hendra
1.25 singing worship Amazing Grace
1.30 Ko Hen Sermon (5 menit)
1.35 Janji pengantin
Ps Hen ke WILLIAM: dalam mengambil DEWI sebagai istrimu yang sah, maukah anda berjanji pada dia, dalam kasih dan hormat, dalam semua tugas dan kewajiban, dalam iman, untuk hidup dengan dia
dan mengasihi dia, sesuai dengan kehendak Allah, dalam ikatan
pernikahan yang kudus?
WILLIAM : Ya, saya bersedia…
Ps. Hen ke DEWI: Apakah anda, DEWI, mengambil WILLIAM SIA
untuk menjadi suamimu?
DEWI : Ya!
Ps Hen ke W and D: William dan Dewi, sekarang bias saling berhadapan.
Ps Hen ke WILLIAM: WILLIAM, anda boleh ulangi kata2 saya:
“Saya, WILLIAM SIA, mengambil anda, DEWISARI HEUW, untuk menjadi istri saya yang sah. Saya berjanji di hadapan Tuhan dan semua saksi di sini untuk menjadi suami yang penuh kasih dan setia, dalam kelimpahan ataupun kekurangan, dalam suka ataupun duka, dalam keadaan sakit ataupun sehat, untuk sepanjang hidup kami.”
Ps. Hen ke WILLIAM: Suami, kasihi istrimu, seperti Kristus mengasihi gerejanya dan
memberikan nyawanya untuknya.
Ps Hen ke DEWI: DEWI, anda boleh ikuti kata2 saya:
“Saya, DEWI, mengambil anda, WILLIAM SIA, untuk menjadi suami saya yang sah. Saya berjanji di hadapan Tuhan dan semua saksi yang ada di sini untuk menjadi istri yang penuh kasih dan setia, di dalam kelimpahan dan kekurangan, dalam suka dan duka, dalam keadaan sakit dan sehat, untuk sepanjang hidup kami.”
Ps Hen ke DEWI: Istri, tunduk kepada suamimu seperti kepada Tuhan, karena suami adalah kepala dari istri seperti Kristus adalah kepala gereja. Karena itu seperti gereja tunduk kepada Kristus, jadi hendaklah istri tunduk kepada suami dalam segala hal.
1.45 Ring Ceremony
Ps Hendra : Dua cincin yang segera akan ditukarkan ini adalah reminders yang akan selalu mengingatkan mereka akan janji yang tadi mereka ucapkan.
Cincin yang bulat melambangkan kekekalan, di mana pernikahan mereka adalah untuk selama-lamanya, di mana hanya kematian yang boleh memisahkan mereka.
Ps Hen ke WILLIAM : WILLIAM, masukkan cincin yang anda pegang ke jari DEWI…dan ikuti kata2 saya dengan sepenuh hati..
“Dengan cincin ini, saya mengambil anda sebagai istri yang sah. Anda boleh memiliki saya sepenuhnya. Saya lakukan ini, karena saya mengasihi anda.”
Ps Hen ke DEWI : DEWI, masukkan cincin yang anda pegang ke jari WILLIAM dan ikuti kata2 saya dengan sepenuh hati.…
“Dengan cincin ini, saya mengambil anda sebagai suami yang sah. Anda boleh memiliki saya sepenuhnya. Saya lakukan ini karena saya mengasihi anda..”
Ps. Hendra : Karena anda berdua sudah berjanji untuk saling mengasihi sepanjang hidup kalian, di hadirat Tuhan yang kudus dan di hadapan keluarga dan teman2mu, yang menjadi saksi dari janjimu. Saya dengan sukacita memutuskan, di dalam nama Tuhan Yesus Kristus, kalian sekarang adalah suami istri.
Sekarang WILLIAM bisa mencium istrimu…
1.55 Perjamuan Kudus
2.05 Tandatangan surat nikah diiringi lagu
2.15 Ucapan terimakasih dari pengantin ke ortu..
2.25 Doa
2.30 Selesai
SERVICE OF RENEWAL OF MARRIAGE VOWS
SERVICE OF RENEWAL OF MARRIAGE VOWS
Mark Ong
&
Maria Villanueva (Kassy)
7 March 09
1.30 pm
at
Chapel of Christ Church Grammar School
ORDER OF SERVICE
Welcome family and friends.
Family and friends stand as bride enters.
When couple are standing before the Minister, the family and friends are seated.
Minister:
I would like to welcome you here today. I am Pastor Hendra Gunawan of Riverview Church in Perth.
We have come together today in the presence of God to witness and to celebrate a Renewal of the Vows that Groom and Bride have already made to one another in Perth, on the 7 March 2008 and to share in their joy.
Before we go ahead with the renewal, I would like to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you have already entered.
When you are married in Australia, the law declares that this union is between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.
MINISTER’S INTRODUCTION
1. Our Lord Jesus Christ said of marriage that “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one: (Matthew 19:5-6):
So they are no longer two, but one. What therefore God
has joined together, let no one separate.”
2. “The Bible teaches that marriage is a lifelong union symbolising God’s unending love and faithfulness and the union between Christ and His church.
3. The Bible also teaches that the husband must love his wife as Christ loves the church, and that the wife must give due honour to her husband.
4. Marriage should be honoured by all, and is not to be entered into lightly or selfishly, but with reverent and
serious consideration for the purpose and plan God has for a successful marriage.
5. Marriage, and all it entails, is a gift from God for the blessing of humankind and for the expression of love and affection, which He has given us.
6. It is a lifelong commitment, in which a man and bride are called to give themselves to each other, and
from their union will grow a deepening knowledge and love for each other. They are to cleave to each other, to share companionship, faithfulness and life, both in prosperity and adversity. The mutual commitment of a
man and a bride to each other, in a bond of love, causes marriage to be a strong and secure covenant.
…… 2 SONGS…..
READING
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, it never gives up
Love is kind, it cares more for others than for self
It does not envy, doesn’t want what it doesn’t have
It does not boast
It is not proud
It is not rude, doesn’t force itself on others
It is not self-seeking, isn’t always ‘me first’
It is not easily angered, doesn’t fly off the handle
Love is not touchy, or fretful or resentful
It keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices with the truth
It always protects
It always trusts
Always looks for the best, is ever ready to believe the best of every person
Always hopes and perseveres
It never looks back
Love never fails
Message
MINISTER’S CHARGE TO THE CONGREGATION:
I would like to encourage you all to support Mark and Kassy in your prayers. They believe God has led them to be married and so we must do everything in our power to see that this union remains solid, strong, happy and prosperous.
PRAYER – would you join me in prayer?
“Heavenly Father, we pray for Mark and Kassy as they make this renewal of their covenant together today. We thank you that you have caused them to come into union together so that they may be one in your sight. Help them to complete each other, and fulfil each other in every area. Bless them with your peace and security, in the knowledge of your care and love for them. Protect them and guard them from evil and bless them with a long and satisfying life together. In Jesus name. Amen.”
Minister:
Mark, Do you affirm that you have given yourself to Kassy to be her husband, that you will live together according to God’ s Word and give her the honour due her as your wife and, forsaking all others, love, comfort, encourage, cherish and protect her, as long as you both shall live?
Mark: “I do”
Minister:
Kassy: Do you affirm that you have given yourself to Mark to be his wife, that you will you live together according to God’s Word? Will you give him the honour due him as your husband and, forsaking all others, love, comfort, encourage and protect him, as long as you both shall live?
Kassy: “I will”
Minister:
Mark AND Kassy WILL NOW RENEW THEIR VOWS
(You may face each other)
I Mark/ in the presence of God/ and these family and friends/affirm that you are my wife/; My commitment is to you/to love and to cherish you/in every situation and challenge of life/as long as we both shall live./This is a renewal of my faithful vows and promise.”
I Kassy/ in the presence of God/ and these family and friends/affirm that you are my husband/; My commitment is to you/to love and to cherish you/in every situation and challenge of life/as long as we both shall live./This is a renewal of my faithful vows and promise.”
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
The minister receives the wedding rings if being used.
Prayer:
I ask, Lord, in the name of Jesus, that these rings may be a token and constant sign of the pledge of love and faithfulness which these two people have already made and are reminding themselves of today. Amen.
Mark, place the ring on Kassy’s ring finger, hold it there and repeat after me:
Kassy /as you receive this ring afresh from me today, look on it as a renewed sign of my faithfulness/and my pledge to you/with all that I am and all that I have/I declare again today that I honour you.
Bride says:
Mark/ I receive this ring afresh/,in token of our marriage./May God enable us/ to continue in love together.”
Kassy, place ring on Mark’s finger and repeat after me:
Mark/as you receive this ring afresh from me today, look on it as a renewed sign of my faithfulness/and my pledge to you/with all that I am and all that I have/I declare again today that I honour you.
Mark:
Kassy/ I receive this ring afresh/,in token of our marriage./May God enable us/ to continue in love together.”
Unity Rope
PRONOUNCEMENT
Minister to family and friends:
Before God and in the presence of us all, by solemn consent and promise, Mark and Kassy have now rededicated themselves to each other in marriage.
It gives me great joy, in the presence of God, to affirm you as husband and wife in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
You may kiss your bride.”
The united Candle
BLESSING OF THE UNION
Numbers 6:24-26
“May the Lord bless you, and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace”.
THE PRESENTATION OF
Mr & Mrs Mark and Kassy Wong……………………….
Mark Ong
&
Maria Villanueva (Kassy)
7 March 09
1.30 pm
at
Chapel of Christ Church Grammar School
ORDER OF SERVICE
Welcome family and friends.
Family and friends stand as bride enters.
When couple are standing before the Minister, the family and friends are seated.
Minister:
I would like to welcome you here today. I am Pastor Hendra Gunawan of Riverview Church in Perth.
We have come together today in the presence of God to witness and to celebrate a Renewal of the Vows that Groom and Bride have already made to one another in Perth, on the 7 March 2008 and to share in their joy.
Before we go ahead with the renewal, I would like to remind you of the solemn and binding nature of the relationship into which you have already entered.
When you are married in Australia, the law declares that this union is between a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life.
MINISTER’S INTRODUCTION
1. Our Lord Jesus Christ said of marriage that “From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one: (Matthew 19:5-6):
So they are no longer two, but one. What therefore God
has joined together, let no one separate.”
2. “The Bible teaches that marriage is a lifelong union symbolising God’s unending love and faithfulness and the union between Christ and His church.
3. The Bible also teaches that the husband must love his wife as Christ loves the church, and that the wife must give due honour to her husband.
4. Marriage should be honoured by all, and is not to be entered into lightly or selfishly, but with reverent and
serious consideration for the purpose and plan God has for a successful marriage.
5. Marriage, and all it entails, is a gift from God for the blessing of humankind and for the expression of love and affection, which He has given us.
6. It is a lifelong commitment, in which a man and bride are called to give themselves to each other, and
from their union will grow a deepening knowledge and love for each other. They are to cleave to each other, to share companionship, faithfulness and life, both in prosperity and adversity. The mutual commitment of a
man and a bride to each other, in a bond of love, causes marriage to be a strong and secure covenant.
…… 2 SONGS…..
READING
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, it never gives up
Love is kind, it cares more for others than for self
It does not envy, doesn’t want what it doesn’t have
It does not boast
It is not proud
It is not rude, doesn’t force itself on others
It is not self-seeking, isn’t always ‘me first’
It is not easily angered, doesn’t fly off the handle
Love is not touchy, or fretful or resentful
It keeps no record of wrongs
Love does not delight in evil
But rejoices with the truth
It always protects
It always trusts
Always looks for the best, is ever ready to believe the best of every person
Always hopes and perseveres
It never looks back
Love never fails
Message
MINISTER’S CHARGE TO THE CONGREGATION:
I would like to encourage you all to support Mark and Kassy in your prayers. They believe God has led them to be married and so we must do everything in our power to see that this union remains solid, strong, happy and prosperous.
PRAYER – would you join me in prayer?
“Heavenly Father, we pray for Mark and Kassy as they make this renewal of their covenant together today. We thank you that you have caused them to come into union together so that they may be one in your sight. Help them to complete each other, and fulfil each other in every area. Bless them with your peace and security, in the knowledge of your care and love for them. Protect them and guard them from evil and bless them with a long and satisfying life together. In Jesus name. Amen.”
Minister:
Mark, Do you affirm that you have given yourself to Kassy to be her husband, that you will live together according to God’ s Word and give her the honour due her as your wife and, forsaking all others, love, comfort, encourage, cherish and protect her, as long as you both shall live?
Mark: “I do”
Minister:
Kassy: Do you affirm that you have given yourself to Mark to be his wife, that you will you live together according to God’s Word? Will you give him the honour due him as your husband and, forsaking all others, love, comfort, encourage and protect him, as long as you both shall live?
Kassy: “I will”
Minister:
Mark AND Kassy WILL NOW RENEW THEIR VOWS
(You may face each other)
I Mark/ in the presence of God/ and these family and friends/affirm that you are my wife/; My commitment is to you/to love and to cherish you/in every situation and challenge of life/as long as we both shall live./This is a renewal of my faithful vows and promise.”
I Kassy/ in the presence of God/ and these family and friends/affirm that you are my husband/; My commitment is to you/to love and to cherish you/in every situation and challenge of life/as long as we both shall live./This is a renewal of my faithful vows and promise.”
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
The minister receives the wedding rings if being used.
Prayer:
I ask, Lord, in the name of Jesus, that these rings may be a token and constant sign of the pledge of love and faithfulness which these two people have already made and are reminding themselves of today. Amen.
Mark, place the ring on Kassy’s ring finger, hold it there and repeat after me:
Kassy /as you receive this ring afresh from me today, look on it as a renewed sign of my faithfulness/and my pledge to you/with all that I am and all that I have/I declare again today that I honour you.
Bride says:
Mark/ I receive this ring afresh/,in token of our marriage./May God enable us/ to continue in love together.”
Kassy, place ring on Mark’s finger and repeat after me:
Mark/as you receive this ring afresh from me today, look on it as a renewed sign of my faithfulness/and my pledge to you/with all that I am and all that I have/I declare again today that I honour you.
Mark:
Kassy/ I receive this ring afresh/,in token of our marriage./May God enable us/ to continue in love together.”
Unity Rope
PRONOUNCEMENT
Minister to family and friends:
Before God and in the presence of us all, by solemn consent and promise, Mark and Kassy have now rededicated themselves to each other in marriage.
It gives me great joy, in the presence of God, to affirm you as husband and wife in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
You may kiss your bride.”
The united Candle
BLESSING OF THE UNION
Numbers 6:24-26
“May the Lord bless you, and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace”.
THE PRESENTATION OF
Mr & Mrs Mark and Kassy Wong……………………….
Wedding Vows
WEDDING VOWS
VOW 1
I, Groom, make these vows to you, Bride, in the presence of God and these family and friends.
Today I give myself to you and you alone, in marriage
I promise to live with you and laugh with you
To stand by your side and sleep in your arms
To encourage and inspire you
To comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle
I promise to love you, Bride, in good times and in bad
When life seems easy and when it seems hard
When our love is simple and when it is an effort
I promise to cherish you and always hold you in highest regard
These vows I make to you today, for all the days of our life.
I, Bride, make these vows to you, Groom, in the presence of God and these family and friends.
Today I give myself to you and you alone, in marriage
I promise to live with you and laugh with you
To stand by your side and sleep in your arms
To encourage and inspire you
To comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle
I promise to love you, Groom, in good times and in bad
When life seems easy and when it seems hard
When our love is simple and when it is an effort
I promise to cherish you and always hold you in highest regard
These vows I make to you today, for all the days of our life.
VOW 2
Minister: (Groom’s Name), will you have (Bride’s Name), to be your wedded wife/spouse/partner, to live together in the covenant of faith, hope, and love according to the intention of God for your lives? Will you listen to her deepest thoughts, be tender hearted and kind/wise in your daily care of her, and stand faithfully at her side in sickness and in health? Choosing her above all others, will you undertake to care for her well-being of mind and body and spirit, as long as you both shall live?
Response: I will.
Minister: (Bride’s Name), will you have (Groom’s Name), to be your wedded husband/spouse/partner, to live together in the covenant of faith, hope, and love according to the intention of God for your lives? Will you listen to his deepest thoughts, be tender hearted and kind/wise in your daily care of him, and stand faithfully at his side in sickness and in health? Choosing him above all others, will you undertake to care for him well-being of mind and body and spirit, as long as you both shall live?
Response: I will.
--Adapted from a Baptist ceremony
VOW 3
In the name of God,
I, (Groom’s Name), take you, (Bride’s Name), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
In the name of God,
I, (Bride’s Name), take you, (Groom’s Name), to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
--Methodist ceremony
VOW 4
Groom:
These words are a sign from my heart
that I desire to live with you, love you, cherish you, honour you and protect you
from this day forward as my wife and that you may remember
forever that I have chosen you above all others.
Bride:
These words are a sign from my heart
that I desire to live with you, love you, cherish you, honour you and protect you
from this day forward as my husband, and that you may remember
forever that I have chosen you above all others.
VOW 5
Ministert to Groom:
(Groom’s Name) will you have (Bride’s Name) to be your wife, will
you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in
health, remaining faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
The groom replies: "I will."
Minister to the bride:
(Bride’s Name) will you have (Groom’s Name) to be your husband,
will you love him, comfort him. honor and keep him in sickness and
in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
The bride replies: "I will."
Minister to the Groom: "Repeat after me:"
I take you (Bride’s Name) to be my wife, To have and to hold from
this day forward, For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live.
Minister to the bride: "Repeat after me:"
I take you (Groom’s Name) to be my husband, To have and to hold
from this day forward, For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live.
VOW 6
I call upon these people here present to witness that I,
(Groom’s Name) take you (Bride’s Name) as my legally married wife.
I call upon these people here present to witness that I,
(Bride’s Name) take you (Groom’s Name) to be my legally
married husband.
VOW 7
I call upon these people here present to witness that I (Groom’s Name)
take you (Bride’s Name), as my lawfully wedded wife, to share with you
a relationship of love and of tenderness and laughter. I will stand by you
through all our tomorrows, respecting you as a person, your individuality,
your needs, your changes, and enjoy your love throughout our lives.
I call upon these people here present to witness that I (Bride’s Name) take
you (Groom’s Name), as my lawfully wedded husband, to share with you
a relationship of love and of tenderness and laughter. I will stand by you
through all our tomorrows, respecting you as a person, your individuality,
your needs, your changes, and enjoy your love throughout our lives.
VOW 8
Before those dear to us gathered here today I take you (Bride’s Name) for
my legally wedded wife. I vow to love, cherish and support you with my
life through all our tomorrows.
Before those dear to us gathered here today I take you (Groom’s Name)
for my legally wedded husband. I vow to love, cherish and support you
with my life through all our tomorrows.
VOW 9
Groom: Today we cross an invisible line.
Bride: We leave behind our yesterdays and start our lives anew.
Groom: The past is over. We will concern ourselves only with the future.
Bride: It is a new day, a new commitment, a new life.
Groom: The vows we take today will change us forever.
Bride: I take them gladly.
Groom: I take them gladly, too.
Bride: (Groom’s Name), I promise to love you, to protect you, and to be
faithful to you for all the days of my life. I will soothe your hurts and
share your delights. I will do all in my power to make you as happy as I
am today.
Groom: (Bride’s Name), I promise to love you and honor you and to
always be honest with you. I will be faithful to you for all the days of my
life. I will believe only the best about you and look always for your good
qualities. I will do all in my power to make you as happy as I am today.
Bride: Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. I choose to spend
today, and all of my tomorrows, with you.
Groom: Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. I choose to spend it,
and all of my tomorrows, with you.
Groom: I love you, (Bride’s Name).
Bride: I love you, (Groom’s Name).
Groom: I want you for my wife, that we may share our lives with each other.
Bride: I want you for my husband, that our love may be sanctified by
this ceremony.
Groom: I promise to put you first in my life, knowing that our love is my
most precious possession.
Bride: I promise to put you first in my life, believing that all other
achievements pale beside a happy marriage.
Groom: I will share with you my joys, my sorrows, my hopes and my
dreams.
Bride: I will bring to you my accomplishments and my failures.
Groom: I will be faithful to you always.
Bride: And I will be faithful to you.
Groom: From this day forward, I will walk beside you.
When we are apart, my thoughts will be with you.
Bride: From this day forward, we stand together.
Whatever happens to either of us will be confronted by both.
Groom: I gladly make these promises. I am proud to be your husband.
Bride: I gladly make these promises. I am proud to be your wife.
Groom: Our vows are ended; our marriage has begun.
Bride: Let us go with joy into our new life together.
Groom: This is a day of rejoicing.
Bride: We rejoice in the goodness of love.
Groom: Because I love you, I promise to respect your wishes and opinions.
Bride: Because I love you, I promise to put our marriage above all else.
Groom: I will share with you my material goods, my thoughts, and my feelings.
Bride: I will share with you my material goods, my thoughts, and my feelings.
Groom: I promise to do all that I can to keep our relationship special to both of us.
Bride: I will cherish our time together. I will try to keep our home peaceful and harmonious.
Groom: I will encourage you to grow and to become all that you are
capable of becoming.
Bride: I will urge you to meet whatever challenges you may face.
Groom: I promise to be faithful to you in thought, word, and act.
Bride: I promise to be faithful to you in thought, word, and act.
This is a day of rejoicing.
Groom: We rejoice in the goodness of love.
VOW 10
Groom: Today is a new beginning. It is the start of a new way of life.
Bride: We don't know what challenges lie ahead. We know only that we
will face them together.
Groom: Because of you, I am a better person than I once was.
Bride: I promise always to see the good in you.
Groom: I will try to be worthy of your love and trust.
Bride: Because of you, I am a better person than I once was.
Groom: I promise always to see the good in you.
Bride: I will try to be worthy of your love and trust.
Groom: Before God and these witnesses, I vow to be loyal to you in every
way, to comfort you, to cherish you, and always to love you.
Bride: Before God and these witnesses, I vow to be loyal to you in every
way, to comfort you, to cherish you, and always to love you.
Groom: Today is a new beginning.
Bride: Our new life together has begun.
Groom: Love is more than an emotion. It is a way of life.
Bride: Love is more than a feeling. It is a channel through which all
feelings flow.
Groom: When I offer you my love, I offer all that is important in my life.
Bride: When I offer you my love, I let all of my deepest feelings flow
toward you.
Groom: Marriage is more than a ceremony. This service lasts less than an
hour but marriage is a lifetime of living together.
Bride: Marriage is more than a promise.
It is a promise kept; it is words translated into action.
Groom: As we begin living our promises, I pledge to you my love and
loyalty. I will share with you all that is important to me. I will encourage
peace and happiness between us.
Bride: As we begin living our promises, I pledge to you my love and
loyalty. I will share with you all that is important to me. I will encourage
peace and happiness between us.
VOW 11
Bride: I, (Bride’s Name), take you, (Groom’s Name), to be my husband.
I promise to be true to you always, in sickness and in health, in poverty or
wealth, in my thoughts and in my speaking. I will be your dearest friend,
your lover, and the mother of your children. With these vows, I commit
myself to you.
Groom: I, (Groom’s Name), take you, (Bride’s Name), to be my wife. I
promise to be true to you always, in sickness and in health, in poverty or
wealth, in my thoughts and in my speaking. I will be your dearest friend,
your lover, and the father of your children. With these vows, I
commit myself to you.
VOW 12
Minister: Marriage is an act of faith. It requires great trust to pledge ones
self to a lifetime with another person. Today (Groom’s Name) and
(Bride’s Name) demonstrate their faith and trust by pledging their love to
each other.
(Groom’s Name), what promises do you make to (Bride’s Name)?
Groom: (Bride’s Name), I affirm you now as my life partner. I promise to
stay with you in times of celebration and in times of mourning. I promise
to love you, honor you, and be faithful to you. I accept you, without
reservation, as my wife.
Minister: (Bride’s Name), what promises do you make to
(Groom’s Name)?
Bride: (Groom’s Name), I affirm you now as my life partner. I promise to
stay with you in times of celebration and in times of mourning. I promise
to love you, honor you, and be faithful to you. I accept you, without
reservation, as my husband.
Minister: By the promises they've made, (Groom’s Name) and (Bride’s
Name) have demonstrated their belief in love, in marriage, and in each
other. They ask now for the blessing of all who have witnessed their
vows. If you believe in their love and approve their marriage, please
applaud.
VOW 13
Groom: I promise to live in such a way that I will never bring dishonor
or heartache into our marriage.
Bride: I promise to keep our home a sanctuary of love, contentment
and compassionate understanding.
Groom: I pledge to you my patience, my honesty, and my faith in the
rightness of our love.
Bride: I pledge to you my patience, my honesty, and my faith in the
rightness of our love.
Groom: To the best of my ability, I will be your friend, your helpmate,
your counselor and your sweetheart.
Bride: To the best of my ability, I will be your friend, your helpmate,
your counselor and your sweetheart.
Groom: I love you and I want to be your husband.
Bride: I love you and I want to be your wife.
VOW 14
Groom: Love thrives on honesty. I promise always to be truthful with you.
Bride: Love is nourished by thoughtfulness. I promise that my actions will
reflect my high regard for you.
Groom: I believe that the power of love can change lives.
My life is changed because I love you.
Bride: Love can bring joy, hope and strength.
Our love has brought all of those to me.
Groom: I promise that the home we are founding today will have love at
its core. I will do all that I can to nourish and enrich our love for each
other.
Bride: I promise that the home we are founding today will have love at its
core. I will do all that I can to nourish and enrich our love for each other.
VOW 15
Bride: I love you for looking at me and seeing only the best.
Groom: I love you for listening to me and hearing only the good.
I will strive to become what you think I am.
Bride: In our times together, I promise to see you always through the eyes
of love.
Groom: In our times together, I promise to see you always through the
eyes of love.
VOW 16
Bride: I never meant to love so much. I meant to keep my emotions under control because I didn't want to be vulnerable.
Groom: I never meant to love so much. I intended to be rational and calm.
Bride: I thought I could care, but within boundaries.
Groom: I thought I could love, but with limitations.
Bride: I meant to let you be one part of my life; instead you have become more important than life itself.
Groom: I meant to keep our love in its own compartment; instead it has overflowed the boundaries into everything I say and do and feel.
Bride: I meant to be cautious.
Groom: I meant to stay uncommitted.
Bride: Now, because I do care so much, I am vulnerable. And I do not mind.
Groom: I joyfully accept the commitments of marriage.
Bride: From this day forward, I promise to love you willingly and completely, withholding nothing.
Groom: From this day forward, I promise to love you willingly and
completely, withholding nothing.
Bride: I never meant to love so much, but it has happened. And I am glad.
Groom: It has happened. And I am glad.
VOW 17
Groom: I take you, (Bride’s Name), to be my wife.
I join with you to share all that is to come.
Bride: I take you, (Groom’s Name), to be my husband.
I join with you to share all that is to come.
Groom: I will be faithful to you as long as God gives us life together.
Each rising sun will find you by my side.
Bride: I will be faithful to you as long as God gives us life together.
Each rising sun will find you by my side.
Groom: I will treasure our new life above all else.
Bride: I will treasure our new life above all else.
All that I am, and all that I ever hope to be, is yours.
Groom: All that I am, and all that I ever hope to be, is yours.
VOW 18 (Episcopal Vows)
Groom:
In the name of God, I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or worse, for richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
Bride:
In the name of God, I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or worse, for richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
VOW 19 (I Love you)
I love you.
I pledge to grow in my Love for you.
I pledge to nurture our Love for it is
loving you that nurtures my soul.
I pledge to share our Love together as One.
I love you because you are the only one for me.
To know you is to know Love
- and through you, know True Love.
I love you because you are the One who completes me.
I can not know union without you
- for it is by joining you that I learn
about Love's union and where it comes from.
I love you because it is my soul mission in Life to learn our Love.
I do not so much seek to heal you,
but to embrace our Love that fills our Life as a way of healing each other.
I see your Love for me in your eyes and I see what freedom is,
what True Love is.
I promise to support your growth and share the fullness of myself.
I promise to honor you by being open to all the expressions of your inner self.
I promise to allow our Love we share become our Prayer we live.
Above all, I promise to be true to you and true to myself
so that we may grow in our Love that joins us as one.
If the Eagle is the symbol of freedom born out of True Love,
then I am one wing and you are equally the other.
Let us fly together in harmony and may
gentle winds carry us all the way to Heaven.
VOW 20
I prayed to God for a companion who could understand me and accept me as I am and for a special friend who would share laughter and tears - and he sent you.
Grooms Vows:
[Brides name], I promise to love you with all my heart, mind and strength. I promise to be faithful, now and forever. I also promise to respect your children and treat them as if they were my own. I gladly accept the obligations that go along with this pledge. I care for your children and want them to be a part of my life.
I prayed to God for a companion who could understand me and accept me as I am and for a special friend who would share laughter and tears - and he sent you.
Brides Vows:
With continued love, friendship, trust and communication, I [Brides name] take you today in committing my life to yours. [Grooms name] when you need me I will be there and when your strength fails you, may mine always be there for you. Side by side, step by step, may our great journey together begin, here now from this day forward.
VOW 21
My beloved, romance may fade, but true love endures.
I choose to truly love you, with kindness, faithfulness, and respect,
through every circumstance that life may bring.
Because you are the treasure of my heart,
it will be my joy to support, encourage, comfort, and defend you
as we together face the coming days of sorrow and joy,
sickness and health, poverty and wealth.
When I have been wronged, I will forgive.
When I do wrong, I will confess with contrition.
When conflict dims our days, I will exercise the patience of true love
and seek the light of wise counsel.
Most of all, I will rejoice and thank the Lord
for completing me with the gift of you.
And through His infinite grace, I know that no matter what may come,
I will remain by your side with enduring devotion and fidelity
for as long as He allows us to share this earthly life.
This is my solemn vow because, in you, I have found the one my soul loves.
May the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit guide us
and bless us each day from this moment forward
VOW 22
I, [Groom's name], take you [Bride's name], to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
I will trust you and honor you
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep
So help me God
I, [Bride's name], take you [Groom's name], to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today,
tomorrow, and forever
I will trust you and honor you
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep
So help me God
In unison:
Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you,
For where you go I will go,
and where you stay I will stay
Your people will be my people,
and your God will be my God.
And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried.
VOW 1
I, Groom, make these vows to you, Bride, in the presence of God and these family and friends.
Today I give myself to you and you alone, in marriage
I promise to live with you and laugh with you
To stand by your side and sleep in your arms
To encourage and inspire you
To comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle
I promise to love you, Bride, in good times and in bad
When life seems easy and when it seems hard
When our love is simple and when it is an effort
I promise to cherish you and always hold you in highest regard
These vows I make to you today, for all the days of our life.
I, Bride, make these vows to you, Groom, in the presence of God and these family and friends.
Today I give myself to you and you alone, in marriage
I promise to live with you and laugh with you
To stand by your side and sleep in your arms
To encourage and inspire you
To comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle
I promise to love you, Groom, in good times and in bad
When life seems easy and when it seems hard
When our love is simple and when it is an effort
I promise to cherish you and always hold you in highest regard
These vows I make to you today, for all the days of our life.
VOW 2
Minister: (Groom’s Name), will you have (Bride’s Name), to be your wedded wife/spouse/partner, to live together in the covenant of faith, hope, and love according to the intention of God for your lives? Will you listen to her deepest thoughts, be tender hearted and kind/wise in your daily care of her, and stand faithfully at her side in sickness and in health? Choosing her above all others, will you undertake to care for her well-being of mind and body and spirit, as long as you both shall live?
Response: I will.
Minister: (Bride’s Name), will you have (Groom’s Name), to be your wedded husband/spouse/partner, to live together in the covenant of faith, hope, and love according to the intention of God for your lives? Will you listen to his deepest thoughts, be tender hearted and kind/wise in your daily care of him, and stand faithfully at his side in sickness and in health? Choosing him above all others, will you undertake to care for him well-being of mind and body and spirit, as long as you both shall live?
Response: I will.
--Adapted from a Baptist ceremony
VOW 3
In the name of God,
I, (Groom’s Name), take you, (Bride’s Name), to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
In the name of God,
I, (Bride’s Name), take you, (Groom’s Name), to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
--Methodist ceremony
VOW 4
Groom:
These words are a sign from my heart
that I desire to live with you, love you, cherish you, honour you and protect you
from this day forward as my wife and that you may remember
forever that I have chosen you above all others.
Bride:
These words are a sign from my heart
that I desire to live with you, love you, cherish you, honour you and protect you
from this day forward as my husband, and that you may remember
forever that I have chosen you above all others.
VOW 5
Ministert to Groom:
(Groom’s Name) will you have (Bride’s Name) to be your wife, will
you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in
health, remaining faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
The groom replies: "I will."
Minister to the bride:
(Bride’s Name) will you have (Groom’s Name) to be your husband,
will you love him, comfort him. honor and keep him in sickness and
in health, remaining faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
The bride replies: "I will."
Minister to the Groom: "Repeat after me:"
I take you (Bride’s Name) to be my wife, To have and to hold from
this day forward, For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live.
Minister to the bride: "Repeat after me:"
I take you (Groom’s Name) to be my husband, To have and to hold
from this day forward, For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,
To love and to cherish as long as we both shall live.
VOW 6
I call upon these people here present to witness that I,
(Groom’s Name) take you (Bride’s Name) as my legally married wife.
I call upon these people here present to witness that I,
(Bride’s Name) take you (Groom’s Name) to be my legally
married husband.
VOW 7
I call upon these people here present to witness that I (Groom’s Name)
take you (Bride’s Name), as my lawfully wedded wife, to share with you
a relationship of love and of tenderness and laughter. I will stand by you
through all our tomorrows, respecting you as a person, your individuality,
your needs, your changes, and enjoy your love throughout our lives.
I call upon these people here present to witness that I (Bride’s Name) take
you (Groom’s Name), as my lawfully wedded husband, to share with you
a relationship of love and of tenderness and laughter. I will stand by you
through all our tomorrows, respecting you as a person, your individuality,
your needs, your changes, and enjoy your love throughout our lives.
VOW 8
Before those dear to us gathered here today I take you (Bride’s Name) for
my legally wedded wife. I vow to love, cherish and support you with my
life through all our tomorrows.
Before those dear to us gathered here today I take you (Groom’s Name)
for my legally wedded husband. I vow to love, cherish and support you
with my life through all our tomorrows.
VOW 9
Groom: Today we cross an invisible line.
Bride: We leave behind our yesterdays and start our lives anew.
Groom: The past is over. We will concern ourselves only with the future.
Bride: It is a new day, a new commitment, a new life.
Groom: The vows we take today will change us forever.
Bride: I take them gladly.
Groom: I take them gladly, too.
Bride: (Groom’s Name), I promise to love you, to protect you, and to be
faithful to you for all the days of my life. I will soothe your hurts and
share your delights. I will do all in my power to make you as happy as I
am today.
Groom: (Bride’s Name), I promise to love you and honor you and to
always be honest with you. I will be faithful to you for all the days of my
life. I will believe only the best about you and look always for your good
qualities. I will do all in my power to make you as happy as I am today.
Bride: Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. I choose to spend
today, and all of my tomorrows, with you.
Groom: Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. I choose to spend it,
and all of my tomorrows, with you.
Groom: I love you, (Bride’s Name).
Bride: I love you, (Groom’s Name).
Groom: I want you for my wife, that we may share our lives with each other.
Bride: I want you for my husband, that our love may be sanctified by
this ceremony.
Groom: I promise to put you first in my life, knowing that our love is my
most precious possession.
Bride: I promise to put you first in my life, believing that all other
achievements pale beside a happy marriage.
Groom: I will share with you my joys, my sorrows, my hopes and my
dreams.
Bride: I will bring to you my accomplishments and my failures.
Groom: I will be faithful to you always.
Bride: And I will be faithful to you.
Groom: From this day forward, I will walk beside you.
When we are apart, my thoughts will be with you.
Bride: From this day forward, we stand together.
Whatever happens to either of us will be confronted by both.
Groom: I gladly make these promises. I am proud to be your husband.
Bride: I gladly make these promises. I am proud to be your wife.
Groom: Our vows are ended; our marriage has begun.
Bride: Let us go with joy into our new life together.
Groom: This is a day of rejoicing.
Bride: We rejoice in the goodness of love.
Groom: Because I love you, I promise to respect your wishes and opinions.
Bride: Because I love you, I promise to put our marriage above all else.
Groom: I will share with you my material goods, my thoughts, and my feelings.
Bride: I will share with you my material goods, my thoughts, and my feelings.
Groom: I promise to do all that I can to keep our relationship special to both of us.
Bride: I will cherish our time together. I will try to keep our home peaceful and harmonious.
Groom: I will encourage you to grow and to become all that you are
capable of becoming.
Bride: I will urge you to meet whatever challenges you may face.
Groom: I promise to be faithful to you in thought, word, and act.
Bride: I promise to be faithful to you in thought, word, and act.
This is a day of rejoicing.
Groom: We rejoice in the goodness of love.
VOW 10
Groom: Today is a new beginning. It is the start of a new way of life.
Bride: We don't know what challenges lie ahead. We know only that we
will face them together.
Groom: Because of you, I am a better person than I once was.
Bride: I promise always to see the good in you.
Groom: I will try to be worthy of your love and trust.
Bride: Because of you, I am a better person than I once was.
Groom: I promise always to see the good in you.
Bride: I will try to be worthy of your love and trust.
Groom: Before God and these witnesses, I vow to be loyal to you in every
way, to comfort you, to cherish you, and always to love you.
Bride: Before God and these witnesses, I vow to be loyal to you in every
way, to comfort you, to cherish you, and always to love you.
Groom: Today is a new beginning.
Bride: Our new life together has begun.
Groom: Love is more than an emotion. It is a way of life.
Bride: Love is more than a feeling. It is a channel through which all
feelings flow.
Groom: When I offer you my love, I offer all that is important in my life.
Bride: When I offer you my love, I let all of my deepest feelings flow
toward you.
Groom: Marriage is more than a ceremony. This service lasts less than an
hour but marriage is a lifetime of living together.
Bride: Marriage is more than a promise.
It is a promise kept; it is words translated into action.
Groom: As we begin living our promises, I pledge to you my love and
loyalty. I will share with you all that is important to me. I will encourage
peace and happiness between us.
Bride: As we begin living our promises, I pledge to you my love and
loyalty. I will share with you all that is important to me. I will encourage
peace and happiness between us.
VOW 11
Bride: I, (Bride’s Name), take you, (Groom’s Name), to be my husband.
I promise to be true to you always, in sickness and in health, in poverty or
wealth, in my thoughts and in my speaking. I will be your dearest friend,
your lover, and the mother of your children. With these vows, I commit
myself to you.
Groom: I, (Groom’s Name), take you, (Bride’s Name), to be my wife. I
promise to be true to you always, in sickness and in health, in poverty or
wealth, in my thoughts and in my speaking. I will be your dearest friend,
your lover, and the father of your children. With these vows, I
commit myself to you.
VOW 12
Minister: Marriage is an act of faith. It requires great trust to pledge ones
self to a lifetime with another person. Today (Groom’s Name) and
(Bride’s Name) demonstrate their faith and trust by pledging their love to
each other.
(Groom’s Name), what promises do you make to (Bride’s Name)?
Groom: (Bride’s Name), I affirm you now as my life partner. I promise to
stay with you in times of celebration and in times of mourning. I promise
to love you, honor you, and be faithful to you. I accept you, without
reservation, as my wife.
Minister: (Bride’s Name), what promises do you make to
(Groom’s Name)?
Bride: (Groom’s Name), I affirm you now as my life partner. I promise to
stay with you in times of celebration and in times of mourning. I promise
to love you, honor you, and be faithful to you. I accept you, without
reservation, as my husband.
Minister: By the promises they've made, (Groom’s Name) and (Bride’s
Name) have demonstrated their belief in love, in marriage, and in each
other. They ask now for the blessing of all who have witnessed their
vows. If you believe in their love and approve their marriage, please
applaud.
VOW 13
Groom: I promise to live in such a way that I will never bring dishonor
or heartache into our marriage.
Bride: I promise to keep our home a sanctuary of love, contentment
and compassionate understanding.
Groom: I pledge to you my patience, my honesty, and my faith in the
rightness of our love.
Bride: I pledge to you my patience, my honesty, and my faith in the
rightness of our love.
Groom: To the best of my ability, I will be your friend, your helpmate,
your counselor and your sweetheart.
Bride: To the best of my ability, I will be your friend, your helpmate,
your counselor and your sweetheart.
Groom: I love you and I want to be your husband.
Bride: I love you and I want to be your wife.
VOW 14
Groom: Love thrives on honesty. I promise always to be truthful with you.
Bride: Love is nourished by thoughtfulness. I promise that my actions will
reflect my high regard for you.
Groom: I believe that the power of love can change lives.
My life is changed because I love you.
Bride: Love can bring joy, hope and strength.
Our love has brought all of those to me.
Groom: I promise that the home we are founding today will have love at
its core. I will do all that I can to nourish and enrich our love for each
other.
Bride: I promise that the home we are founding today will have love at its
core. I will do all that I can to nourish and enrich our love for each other.
VOW 15
Bride: I love you for looking at me and seeing only the best.
Groom: I love you for listening to me and hearing only the good.
I will strive to become what you think I am.
Bride: In our times together, I promise to see you always through the eyes
of love.
Groom: In our times together, I promise to see you always through the
eyes of love.
VOW 16
Bride: I never meant to love so much. I meant to keep my emotions under control because I didn't want to be vulnerable.
Groom: I never meant to love so much. I intended to be rational and calm.
Bride: I thought I could care, but within boundaries.
Groom: I thought I could love, but with limitations.
Bride: I meant to let you be one part of my life; instead you have become more important than life itself.
Groom: I meant to keep our love in its own compartment; instead it has overflowed the boundaries into everything I say and do and feel.
Bride: I meant to be cautious.
Groom: I meant to stay uncommitted.
Bride: Now, because I do care so much, I am vulnerable. And I do not mind.
Groom: I joyfully accept the commitments of marriage.
Bride: From this day forward, I promise to love you willingly and completely, withholding nothing.
Groom: From this day forward, I promise to love you willingly and
completely, withholding nothing.
Bride: I never meant to love so much, but it has happened. And I am glad.
Groom: It has happened. And I am glad.
VOW 17
Groom: I take you, (Bride’s Name), to be my wife.
I join with you to share all that is to come.
Bride: I take you, (Groom’s Name), to be my husband.
I join with you to share all that is to come.
Groom: I will be faithful to you as long as God gives us life together.
Each rising sun will find you by my side.
Bride: I will be faithful to you as long as God gives us life together.
Each rising sun will find you by my side.
Groom: I will treasure our new life above all else.
Bride: I will treasure our new life above all else.
All that I am, and all that I ever hope to be, is yours.
Groom: All that I am, and all that I ever hope to be, is yours.
VOW 18 (Episcopal Vows)
Groom:
In the name of God, I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or worse, for richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
This is my solemn vow.
Bride:
In the name of God, I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband,
to have and to hold from this day forward,
for better or worse, for richer or poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,
until we are parted by death.
VOW 19 (I Love you)
I love you.
I pledge to grow in my Love for you.
I pledge to nurture our Love for it is
loving you that nurtures my soul.
I pledge to share our Love together as One.
I love you because you are the only one for me.
To know you is to know Love
- and through you, know True Love.
I love you because you are the One who completes me.
I can not know union without you
- for it is by joining you that I learn
about Love's union and where it comes from.
I love you because it is my soul mission in Life to learn our Love.
I do not so much seek to heal you,
but to embrace our Love that fills our Life as a way of healing each other.
I see your Love for me in your eyes and I see what freedom is,
what True Love is.
I promise to support your growth and share the fullness of myself.
I promise to honor you by being open to all the expressions of your inner self.
I promise to allow our Love we share become our Prayer we live.
Above all, I promise to be true to you and true to myself
so that we may grow in our Love that joins us as one.
If the Eagle is the symbol of freedom born out of True Love,
then I am one wing and you are equally the other.
Let us fly together in harmony and may
gentle winds carry us all the way to Heaven.
VOW 20
I prayed to God for a companion who could understand me and accept me as I am and for a special friend who would share laughter and tears - and he sent you.
Grooms Vows:
[Brides name], I promise to love you with all my heart, mind and strength. I promise to be faithful, now and forever. I also promise to respect your children and treat them as if they were my own. I gladly accept the obligations that go along with this pledge. I care for your children and want them to be a part of my life.
I prayed to God for a companion who could understand me and accept me as I am and for a special friend who would share laughter and tears - and he sent you.
Brides Vows:
With continued love, friendship, trust and communication, I [Brides name] take you today in committing my life to yours. [Grooms name] when you need me I will be there and when your strength fails you, may mine always be there for you. Side by side, step by step, may our great journey together begin, here now from this day forward.
VOW 21
My beloved, romance may fade, but true love endures.
I choose to truly love you, with kindness, faithfulness, and respect,
through every circumstance that life may bring.
Because you are the treasure of my heart,
it will be my joy to support, encourage, comfort, and defend you
as we together face the coming days of sorrow and joy,
sickness and health, poverty and wealth.
When I have been wronged, I will forgive.
When I do wrong, I will confess with contrition.
When conflict dims our days, I will exercise the patience of true love
and seek the light of wise counsel.
Most of all, I will rejoice and thank the Lord
for completing me with the gift of you.
And through His infinite grace, I know that no matter what may come,
I will remain by your side with enduring devotion and fidelity
for as long as He allows us to share this earthly life.
This is my solemn vow because, in you, I have found the one my soul loves.
May the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit guide us
and bless us each day from this moment forward
VOW 22
I, [Groom's name], take you [Bride's name], to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today, tomorrow, and forever.
I will trust you and honor you
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep
So help me God
I, [Bride's name], take you [Groom's name], to be my husband, my partner in life and my one true love.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today,
tomorrow, and forever
I will trust you and honor you
I will laugh with you and cry with you.
I will love you faithfully
Through the best and the worst,
Through the difficult and the easy.
What may come I will always be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold
So I give you my life to keep
So help me God
In unison:
Entreat me not to leave you, or to return from following after you,
For where you go I will go,
and where you stay I will stay
Your people will be my people,
and your God will be my God.
And where you die, I will die and there I will be buried.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Hendra's God Stories
My name is Hendra. I was born in Klungkung, a small town in Bali. My family was Buddhist. As a Chinese boy, ancient Chinese religious teachings and customs were parts of my life as well. As 80% of the population in Bali are Hindus, I also had to study Hinduism at school.
As far as I can remember, there was only one Christian family in my hometown. To me they seemed weird, therefore Christianity was far from being attractive to me.
Sometimes my mum would take me to a Buddhist temple, sometimes my grandma would take me to the Hindu one. I went along with them just to please and respect them.
Although I studied a lot about religions, actually I didn’t believe in anything but me, myself and Hendra.
_______________
I did well at school. Most of the time, I got no 1 in my class at primary school. When I was in year 6, I was awarded as the best poetry reader in my region.
My parents sent me to Denpasar (the capital of Bali) for my secondary education. I was often selected to represent my school to be a flag raiser for our Independence Day.
Having finished high school I went to Uni. I studied civil engineering.
I was growing up as an arrogant guy as I got almost everything I wanted in my life. I hardly care for other people. For me, there were only three important people in my world: me, myself and Hendra.
_______________
24 Feb 1988 marked a new chapter in my life. I was 22 then. That day I was involved in a car accident, which almost took my life. My small Ute collided head on with a huge truck. My Ute was smashed and dragged 8 meters away according to the local paper report. People had to remove the car roof to get me out. They thought I was dead. I did not know what was happening at all. Before driving I had been very tired after a basketball competition. The last thing I remember was starting the engine half an hour before.
__________________
On the accident spot, I asked people what had happened to me. They lied and said, “Nothing happened to you”. Though I could not open my eyes, somehow I knew that my right forearm was badly injured. I felt my body was so light. I knew I was going to die. It was dark. “Am I going to hell?”
______________________
I was rushed to the hospital. I was unconscious for days. One day, I heard a lady made noise near my bed. I tried to open my heavy eyes to see who the lady was. Guess who? There she was…the lady from the weird Christian family…praying for me.
Though I didn’t believe in God, by then I knew that God did not want me to die yet.
___________________
My parents sent me to China for treatment because I got a serious infection. The doctor there said that I needed to get my forearm amputated to prevent the infection spreading. I did not want it to happen. During that period, I had thoughts of committing suicide a few times like; jumping down from the high building in China, throwing myself in front of a running train in Hongkong and hanging myself in my room in Bali.
____________________
In November 1988, my parents sent me to Singapore. Over there, my mum’s cousin, Serene and her hubby, Alex helped and cared for me a lot.
One day, while out of hospital but waiting for another operation they took me to a Christmas Celebration Night at Sentosa Island but rain stopped the performance. While waiting for the performance to resume, Serene and Alex’s friend, Danny Goh came over to say hello. During the conversation he asked me whether I knew a God who can give forgiveness, hope, meaning and purpose of life. I said no. I knew a lot about religions. They taught me good stuff and how to do good, but I never heard a God who could give forgiveness, hope, meaning and purpose of life. He asked me again whether I wanted to know Him? I said Yes. He led me in prayer to invite Jesus into my life. I was born again that nite, 22 December 1988, which was also my mum’s birthday.
Someone suddenly came to my mind after I received Jesus….the weird Christian lady who prayed for me while I was at the hospital in Bali. I believed that lady not only prayed for my healing but for my salvation as well.
_____________________
On 20 Jan 89, I had a major op. The bone in my left leg would be transplanted to my forearm. The surgeon was the best in Singapore. The op would take about 4 hours.
However, things did not turned out to be as expected. My mum waited for 14 hours to see me came out from the op theatre. The next day we knew that the op failed totally. Now, not only that my forearm could not function but my leg was also damaged. Because of this failure, I had to stay in my hospital bed for 6 months continuously. And I had to go to operating theatre almost every week to get something done on either my forearm or my left leg. Initially, I counted the number of operations that I’ve been through. After my 20th operation, I was tired of counting.
__________________________
During my 6 month-long stay at the hospital, I kept asking God, why all these things happened to me. Through the Bible and Christian books that my friends had given me, I started to understand a few truths about my sufferings:
- If I consider all these sufferings pure joy, I would develop perseverance. And perseverance would lead me to maturity
- God would never let me to be tempted more than I could bear. And He would always give me way out.
- I needed to trust in the Lord with all my heart and not to lean on my own understanding. And He will direct my path.
_______________
Many people supported me while I was at the hospital, including the nurses. One particular nurse came to my special attention. Not only was she good and beautiful, but her heart was so wonderful as well. During my hospitalisation she became my great friend. She gave me a bookmark which got Psalm 121 on it,” I look up to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth.”
One day, somewhere in April 89, I asked that nurse a question that I never asked anyone before, ”Will you marry me?”
I understood that question must have been so shocking for her. So I gave her more time to think so she could be assured that I was not being effected by drugs or what..
A few days later, she came to me and said…..yes.
___________
On 11 August 90, that nurse Rachel and I opened a new chapter together in our life as husband and wife. In our wedding matrimony in Singapore, we invited most of the people we knew in Singapore, including the surgeon who didn’t perform my operation well.
Since then, Romans 8: 28 has become my personal eternal golden verse.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
As far as I can remember, there was only one Christian family in my hometown. To me they seemed weird, therefore Christianity was far from being attractive to me.
Sometimes my mum would take me to a Buddhist temple, sometimes my grandma would take me to the Hindu one. I went along with them just to please and respect them.
Although I studied a lot about religions, actually I didn’t believe in anything but me, myself and Hendra.
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I did well at school. Most of the time, I got no 1 in my class at primary school. When I was in year 6, I was awarded as the best poetry reader in my region.
My parents sent me to Denpasar (the capital of Bali) for my secondary education. I was often selected to represent my school to be a flag raiser for our Independence Day.
Having finished high school I went to Uni. I studied civil engineering.
I was growing up as an arrogant guy as I got almost everything I wanted in my life. I hardly care for other people. For me, there were only three important people in my world: me, myself and Hendra.
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24 Feb 1988 marked a new chapter in my life. I was 22 then. That day I was involved in a car accident, which almost took my life. My small Ute collided head on with a huge truck. My Ute was smashed and dragged 8 meters away according to the local paper report. People had to remove the car roof to get me out. They thought I was dead. I did not know what was happening at all. Before driving I had been very tired after a basketball competition. The last thing I remember was starting the engine half an hour before.
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On the accident spot, I asked people what had happened to me. They lied and said, “Nothing happened to you”. Though I could not open my eyes, somehow I knew that my right forearm was badly injured. I felt my body was so light. I knew I was going to die. It was dark. “Am I going to hell?”
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I was rushed to the hospital. I was unconscious for days. One day, I heard a lady made noise near my bed. I tried to open my heavy eyes to see who the lady was. Guess who? There she was…the lady from the weird Christian family…praying for me.
Though I didn’t believe in God, by then I knew that God did not want me to die yet.
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My parents sent me to China for treatment because I got a serious infection. The doctor there said that I needed to get my forearm amputated to prevent the infection spreading. I did not want it to happen. During that period, I had thoughts of committing suicide a few times like; jumping down from the high building in China, throwing myself in front of a running train in Hongkong and hanging myself in my room in Bali.
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In November 1988, my parents sent me to Singapore. Over there, my mum’s cousin, Serene and her hubby, Alex helped and cared for me a lot.
One day, while out of hospital but waiting for another operation they took me to a Christmas Celebration Night at Sentosa Island but rain stopped the performance. While waiting for the performance to resume, Serene and Alex’s friend, Danny Goh came over to say hello. During the conversation he asked me whether I knew a God who can give forgiveness, hope, meaning and purpose of life. I said no. I knew a lot about religions. They taught me good stuff and how to do good, but I never heard a God who could give forgiveness, hope, meaning and purpose of life. He asked me again whether I wanted to know Him? I said Yes. He led me in prayer to invite Jesus into my life. I was born again that nite, 22 December 1988, which was also my mum’s birthday.
Someone suddenly came to my mind after I received Jesus….the weird Christian lady who prayed for me while I was at the hospital in Bali. I believed that lady not only prayed for my healing but for my salvation as well.
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On 20 Jan 89, I had a major op. The bone in my left leg would be transplanted to my forearm. The surgeon was the best in Singapore. The op would take about 4 hours.
However, things did not turned out to be as expected. My mum waited for 14 hours to see me came out from the op theatre. The next day we knew that the op failed totally. Now, not only that my forearm could not function but my leg was also damaged. Because of this failure, I had to stay in my hospital bed for 6 months continuously. And I had to go to operating theatre almost every week to get something done on either my forearm or my left leg. Initially, I counted the number of operations that I’ve been through. After my 20th operation, I was tired of counting.
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During my 6 month-long stay at the hospital, I kept asking God, why all these things happened to me. Through the Bible and Christian books that my friends had given me, I started to understand a few truths about my sufferings:
- If I consider all these sufferings pure joy, I would develop perseverance. And perseverance would lead me to maturity
- God would never let me to be tempted more than I could bear. And He would always give me way out.
- I needed to trust in the Lord with all my heart and not to lean on my own understanding. And He will direct my path.
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Many people supported me while I was at the hospital, including the nurses. One particular nurse came to my special attention. Not only was she good and beautiful, but her heart was so wonderful as well. During my hospitalisation she became my great friend. She gave me a bookmark which got Psalm 121 on it,” I look up to the mountains. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of Heaven and earth.”
One day, somewhere in April 89, I asked that nurse a question that I never asked anyone before, ”Will you marry me?”
I understood that question must have been so shocking for her. So I gave her more time to think so she could be assured that I was not being effected by drugs or what..
A few days later, she came to me and said…..yes.
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On 11 August 90, that nurse Rachel and I opened a new chapter together in our life as husband and wife. In our wedding matrimony in Singapore, we invited most of the people we knew in Singapore, including the surgeon who didn’t perform my operation well.
Since then, Romans 8: 28 has become my personal eternal golden verse.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
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